A sidewalk ocean
broken softly by sky tears
drip-drop sounds like home
Gravel-studded road
flanked by horses and fences;
a place no cars go.
Nature's beauty will
not be confined to three lines.
I am still trying.
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139,440 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
Your three haiku's are very simple, and sweet. The last one- about how nature cannot be captured in three lines made me smile. Because it's true- and yet people try, and do just that in Haiku's. And your first one about the ocean; I could practically see and hear it. Wonderfully done!
Marz Smarz,
How I adore haiku. And thee.
I'm quite particular when it comes to reading them, but I must highly credit you on these. It's difficult to cramp an entire measure of beauty into seventeen syllables.
On the first one, I really don't like the sky-tears analogy; way too overused that it's a boring cliche. Approach this differently, Marsie, bring your own flair and originality to the table.
To me, the gravel studded with 'flanked' after it sounds incredibly awkward. I'd tweak that -- probably kill the 'flanked' because it sounds off kilter from the rest of the poem.
And the last one is enjoyable. Very much so, dear -- I really enjoy your talent for haiku, and you should write more, please. It's refreshing to read, and you paint a full picture in yours instead of a clipout of some part.
Gold star; two thumbs up.
June
Hello Mars! These are all very good. I love short poems, because they show that something doesn't have to be long to be artistic.
First poem: This one was perfect, and I absolutely love the analogy of rain being "tears of the sky". However, I don't understand your first line. A sidewalk ocean? What is that supposed to mean?
Second Poem: Good, but I think you meant 'roads' in the first line.
Third Poem: It was cute, although I disagree. Even though you are severely limited to what you can say in 3 lines, some of the most beautiful poems and stories can be the shortest.
Fantastic Job, Keep Writing.
PM if you have Questions.