My hand's right there-
right on it-
and I can feel it pulsing
and throbbing
like something about to explode
beneath my fingers,
which are trembling,
by the way,
because I've never felt anything so
erratic
and erotic
and maybe a little
passionate
and alive
but it stops as soon as it started
which frightens me
because they say when
your heart skips a beat like that,
that it's love,
and I wouldn't be so sure
except mine just did it,
too.
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139,440 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
This was pretty good. I'm a lil skeptical about love poems though... there's so many of them, and so few of them are really worth while and good. This one was cute, but when I was reading it, I was thinking, Yeahh... just another one of these love poems. So this could be good. I would try adding a little bit of deep emotion. Not so much the fluffy and light stuff, but just a touch of powerfull emotion. NOT giddiness.
Keep writing.
_clue.
Thanks everyone for the reviews!
I'll leave it for now, but I might change it later.
@lavabubblingout: I did capitalize it. About the "sk i p s" line, I actually meant to do that-I get an interesting sound inside my head when I read that. But I'm probably the only one who gets that!
This is a really nice poem. I loved it! I like the way you play with the emotions and the use of words. Your style of writing is really nice, short and intense depicting the thoughts so clearly. The use of just one word as one line is sort of new to me but I love it. It gives a sense of the theme and the depth of the writing.
Besides that, I'm in love with this one line from your poem:
"because i've never felt anything so
irratic
and erotic"
It gives this crystal-clear picture into the mind of the young romantic. It kind of warms the reader and symbolizes young love.
As " emma.b " said, you need to capitalize the start of a sentence as it gives a good first impression. And with reference to the grammatical errors, I find that it's alright to skip that as the poem is really nice without sticking steadfast to rules. And another thing, you might wanna preview the poem before submitting because of:
"because they say when
your heart sk i p s a beat like that,"
This is really good! Your use of description was great. Nice plot too.
wow this is sooo good!
ooh i know exactly what you mean.
try to use capitals at every line break though
and it needs a few gramatical corrections
but omg soo good!! well done