On my bicycle,
I transcend categories!
Tell me, officer,
am I slow pedestrian, meandering through life, or
am I noisy automobile, fogging up the air?
And,
oh please,
you know the rules don't apply to me.
I am not
like the rest of civilization:
I can
cross back and forth over
the boundary between footpath and traffic,
I can
choose either disguise to suit my needs.
Authority lowers its head in shame;
there will be no speeding tickets,
no loitering can be found in someone
whose pedals make them constantly momentary,
no littering or jay-walking or illegal left turns.
On my bike,
I transcend
authority! (Though I promise
to always use my powers for good.)
Stop lights don't phase me,
stop signs are for losers,
both the sidewalk and the street
know the feel of my tires.
I will (!)
be getting to class, thank you,
and I will be on time.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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140,597 Literary Works • 673,549 Reviews
Edited. I changed a few things and added a bit. Thanks for the reviews, guys!
I loved this poem. I loved the symbolism (if indeed that is what you were going for) of the bicyclist not fitting into any clear-cut category. I also like how it flows nicely from line to line and how whimsical it is, but it actually has a deeper meaning. I think the form and structure could be improved upon a bit, for example:
On my bicycle,
I transcend categories!
Tell me, officer:
Am I?
A slow pedestrian, meandering through life, or
A noisy automobile, fogging up the air?
And,
oh please,
you know the rules don't apply to me!
I am not
like the rest of civilization:
I can
cross back and forth over
the boundary between ped and traffic,
I can
choose either mask to suit my needs.
Stop lights don't phase me,
Stop signs are for losers,
both the sidewalk and the street
know the feel of my tires.
I will (!)
be getting to class, thank you,
and I
will be on time.
That way it's just a bit more parallel. And the capitalization thing is important, even if e.e. cummings did get away with it. And I think the line "stop signs are for losers" could be a bit more professionally stated, but that's just my opinion.
On the whole, it's a wonderful poem and you've got a lot of talent.
Well. Okay.
I love grammar. I really do. It's excellent and I know how annoying it is when people don't use it.
However...I just don't like my poetry capitalized. It's not ignorance, it's just a style (like ee cummings, not that I'm comparing myself to that fantabulous writer).
So thank you for replying, and for pointing that out, but I'm not going to capitalize it.
Capitalization is very important in poems. Every line of a poem must be capitalized. Also, the "I" needs to be capitalized in everything that you do. Some of us will find serious problems in that. I didn't search for anything that didn't catch my eye. This means that I did not search for spelling or grammar errors.
AHHH COMMA SPLICE!!! yes. i will definitely fix that.
Just kidding.
About the mask line: I see what you mean. I like 'mask' because it's one syllable, so I thought it read better, but I do think 'disguise' actually fits with the idea more.
About 'ped': Yeah. I think I'll just go 'between sidewalk and traffic'.
About Stop signs are for losers: I actually don't think it jars the poem, so I don't think I will change that. Plus, stop signs are for losers!
I'll edit this when I get around to it. Thanks for the critiques!!
Sorry for taking so long to review this! I'm not going to do a line-by-line crit because you don’t need it. In fact, I could only pick out a couple of specific areas to look at.
The comma should technically be a full stop or exclamation mark or it’s a comma splice.
I like the idea of ‘i can choose either mask to suit my needs’ because it’s like she’s on the run from the officer (which she is), but think the word ‘disguise’ might work better.
A couple of things that jarred: ‘ped’ and ‘stop signs are for losers’. It might just be personal preference, but I didn’t really like these.
Overall, I liked it. I felt the tone was quite ironic at times (‘you know the rules don’t apply to me’!) and the ending was great. Those previous areas that I picked out were the only things that jarred slightly; the rest of the poem flowed very well.
thanks! i wanted it to be light/amusing/smug. now i feel like it should be more...serious? and i guess the title fits...but i don't know.
(: Loved it. It's an interesting topic because to the drivers of the world bicyclists can be hugely irritating, and this is just throwing it back in all of our faces.