For Vonnegut - Ego Tastes like Burnt Toast

Mandorelute wrote:I am glass melting on sunburned skin;
counting my lucky stars as they fall,
but they're falling, leaving behind the blank the boring,
a heavy, hallow darkness that sits behind my pupils,

pupil?part of your eye?

pulling out the strangling yarn,
following that which leaves too-tight-to-untie knots,
there - in my stomach, knitting together that which I want the least,
ironic in my unraveling.
So humor me.

I am sucked up through a straw and swallowed down something loooooooooooong

what's this??

and yellow,
and it’s gross.
No, not even an empty box of chocolates,
I am the cheap stuff; twenty-year old melted goo,

goo? or ago?

white with age-
something kept to be savored, but in the end, thrown out:
flat,
gone bad.
I am your favorite CD that skips at the best bits.

i love the way you interpreted this one..

I wish I could deny how this feels, there's pain despite dead skin,
but damn, I’m a joke with a too quickly delivered punch line
and I’m a laugh that went stale in someone’s sweaty palm,
squeezed, like a child's hamster,
'loved' until the eyeballs pop out.

i found it funny.

I am a soggy pale paste wanting to be told I’m magic,
a crouton dreaming it could be communion bread.
Disappointed in how I’ve disappointed, yet I’ve got MY Ego still,
Telling me that it’s my fault for every wrong.
But, baby, can I be blamed?
- - - I’m only a PBJ sandwich dropped peanut-side down, unmopped.

kindly check the spelling of unmopped, maybe you misspelled it.

I get stuck on the roof of the mouth along with the cat hair.
I am crayons melted in the baby's carseat, scented animal cracker,
but still wishing I was Picasso.
So, baby, don’t forget to wear the suntan lotion and goggles
- - because here comes somebody else's problem.

imrpessive i liked the way you deliver it through words...

I'm not a poet,
But this was brilliant!
Despite the serious tone of the poem, I was laughing at various parts throughout the poem.
Oh, and excellent title. It really knows how to catch peoples' attention
Gold star!
(Sorry I couldn't offer a more helpful comment, but I'm not the most qualified person to review such stuff)

I loved this. It was so eccentric and frustrated, and yet entirely in earnest. It was disjointed, yet the emotion comes across so clearly.

yet I’ve got MY Ego still,

Hi there!

I am glass melting on sunburned skin;

but they're falling, leaving behind the blank the boring,

you know, the stuff that leaves too-tight-to-untie knots,

I a soggy pale paste wanting to be told I’m magic,