Young Writers Society

Hello! This is a random weirdo here to give you a short review.

I've actually experienced this too, though I doubt is was as bad as you described. Our air was not yellow. But it was awful. For us it's been happening every summer for the past few years. (We also didn't have any air conditioning for a while but we couldn't open the windows or else the smoke would come in)

Anyway, I really love this poem, and it's actually one of my favorites. The way you describe the outside air and how it she can't even remember what it used to be like hits me hard. It reminds me of my own experiences; of smoke and of other similar situations; and that just makes me easily able to relate (and love).

Thanks for sharing this! It truly is wonderfully written.

Hello there! This is Ina aka loveissourgrapes and I am back here to review more of your writings. I know about the wildfires and I do feel bad for you guys who experience this. I hope you stay safe there in our place. Anyways, back to the poem.

I thought this poem would be a cute poem because of the title but then I read it. Then, felt really sad and sorry for the people nowadays that experience this, even those animals that weren't able to survive in the wildfires.

"She puts on her shoes,

bracing for the horrors outside.

Shakily, she grabs the doorknob."

It starts now with a very descriptive introduction. I can see those teenage girls in movie that show your message. It seems like she wanted to go out but it is was too dangerous and horrifying at the same time. Because the air was yellow and it smell like smoke that would feel in her lungs, like what you said, like clouds. It is sad that she couldn't remember what a normal morning is and how they felt and smelled like.

Writing wise. It is good for a poem. I love descriptive poems that show emotion and how the character's atmosphere is like. Overall, keep it up! It's nice. Stay safe and healthy! Have a beautiful day/night.

Hey there! Welcome to YWS - I thought I'd review this poem of yours!

So first of all - I can certainly relate to these feelings expressed in the poem as my region has been quite hazey the last few days too and it is not a good feeling at all! I think a lot of people who live by wild fires can probably relate to this poem's theme. Without the context of the North American wild fires I think the poem gives an eerie, almost post-apocalyptic other-worldly feel to it. I think my first suggestion would actually be to add the author's note you wrote to the end rather than the top to give readers the chance to get immersed in the world of the poem before putting the contemporary context on top of it. But that's just my preference.

The theme or story of the poem seems to be the speaker feels a heaviness indoors "gray and cold" (which may be a metaphor for an internal sadness, or depression maybe) but they also see and experience a heaviness outdoors in the form of the yellow smoke (internal + external conflict). When they see the smoke outdoors they feel weighed down and like the smoke swallows everything thing up and overwhelms everything around her.

A few suggestions -

I couldn't quite catch the rhyme or reason for your capitalization - in a few places you capitalized words that were at the beginning of lines but not at the beginning of sentences, and in a few places you didn't. Usually a poet does one of several methods:

1) Sentence-Case (capitalize at beginning of each sentence only).
2) Line-Case (capitalize at the beginning of each line)
3) Phrase / Stanza-Case (capitalize to mark transitions in phrases or subject)
4) Other - capitalize just important words or important transitions

which ever way you capitalize is fine as long as it's consistent or has intention in my opinion - but I would re-look at if your capitalization is following some sort of pattern... More info in this article.

I felt like I could follow your poem fairly well as to what you were meaning from line to line, the only line that seemed a little off to me was this one:

that the sky is a void of white,

Hello!
This poem is a wonderful example of detailing to let a reader visualize what is happening. The usage of describing sights and smells really makes the reader feel as if they are in the situtation. The repetition of clouds, smoke, and air give the poem a sense of urgency, as what is described in the note above, a real life event. Their colors come before them. "Yellow air", "gray smoke", and "white clouds" are better than just saying air, smoke, clouds. You wrote this poem as if it really happened, and even if the note wasn't there, I would've believed it was a true either way.
This is a beautifully crafted poem, much to my liking of poems based off of real life events, this is one that I consider, an experience.

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