The train finally screeched to a stop and hissed violently in Vienna. There was no threat of lizards here, at least they would be safe for some time. News had quickly spread through the media of the battle in the Alps. Hope had been rekindled. The only thing that could vanquish anarchy and war. The snow capped mountains were now far behind them, surely that would slow the Reptiliad down. Humans who had sided with the reptiles were clearly not as arrogant as their lizard allies, which would definitely slow them down after the horrible defeat. Which had even pierced Lord Venom with fear. Tom could see it in his eyes and in his mind before he fled. Lord Venom, was afraid. A black car pulled up outside the station, and a sharply dressed man got out. He had grey spiked hair and blue eyes. He had a short grey beard around his chin and wore a hopeful look on his face as he layed eyes upon the four.
"My friends," he began, he seemed to have a thick Austrian accent, "welcome to Vienna, I'm sure that everyone at the UN and NATO has heard of your so called endeavours, by now," he continued as he smiled to himself.
"You'd better not be one of Lord Venom's allies," replied Tom through gritted teeth. The man held up his hands in a 'relax' gesture.
"You have nothing to fear now, believe me if I worked for those merciless lizards I would shoot myself. Go ahead and read my mind to check, if you wish, Tom," he replied with an intelligent smile.
"How do you know my name?" asked Tom with a concerned look at the man.
"We've already managed to gather some data on you, some of our agents were in Paris when the attack started, and a small group of them were on the same train as you. That and we also have witness accounts from the Alps," he replied. Tom concentrated on the man as he read his mind. There was shock, a lot of it from when the first lizards emerged. Then he found little remnants of fear, but everyone was exerting that emotion, half of the continent was seething with that. After a bit more diving through the information, he found what he needed. The man was exerting hate, mostly for the Reptiliad and Dunthorpe trading.
"Found anything, Tom?" asked Maria beside him.
"Alright, he's good," Tom replied, yet still feeling a little uncertainty.
"Who are you, if I may ask?" asked Ian with more uncertainty.
"My name is Tobias Gorthon, the United Nations representative for Austria, and I'm here to take you to Hofburg Palace, here in Vienna," explained Tobias.
"Before you take us anywhere, why?" asked Catherine.
"The United Nations and NATO have some questions for you, also, you seem to be humanity's only effective hope against these lizards, who have driven us back at every turn," he answered.
"Right okay, you can take us to this place, but if you dare try to hand us over to the Reptiliad, or try to experiment on us or dissect us, we won't be answering any of your questions," warned Tom sternly. Tobias nodded in respect and bid them to the car. It had leather seats and air conditioning, clearly intended for someone important in politics. A chauffeur sat in the driver's seat, awaiting a command from who was possibly one of the most powerful men in all of Austria. Tobias took his seat next to the driver, and spoke a few words in German. The car slowly accelerated and drove down cobbled roads. Pieces of amazing architecture saluted them on either side of every street they travelled down. Luxurious shops and businesses greeted them on each street, and the air was alive with the wonderous aromas of cakes and assorted beverages.
After twenty minutes of journeying along impressively designed streets, the car pulled up outside a magnificent building. It was enormous, with 18th century style architecture and three great domes atop the building. It was truly fit for the great monarchs that once ruled over this land. Despite the awakening horror on the other side of the Alps, tourists still gazed in awe at the palace's spectacular design. The chauffeur got out of the car and first opened the passenger door, where Tobias got out slowly and greeted the swarm of media crews that closed in on the car. The chauffeur then opened the door of the back seats, and the four stepped out into the warm, pastry scented air. They all examined the crowd carefully, but of course, there was no sign of the BBC news crew, of which probably didn't exist anymore.
Tobias, after answering a few quick questions to keep the pestering journalists satisfied, bid the four to follow him into the extravagant halls of the palace. Ian gazed open mouthed at the palace's interior.
"This place is incredible, you probably wouldn't see anything like this back home," Ian whispered in thought. Great chandeliers with more than a hundred lights towered from above, and amazing artwork covered the walls and ceilings. The reflections of the marble floors stared back at them as they were overtaken by the sheer beauty and enormity of this place.
"Crikey, I'd say we are definitely not worthy in this place," muttered Catherine, in a sarcastic tone, yet for once the others nodded in agreement. Tobias smirked at the thought as he led them through the mighty hall.
"Under normal circumstances you would not be escorted by me through here, but nothing is quite normal anymore, is it?" he explained. "You will be staying here for as long as we can have you," he continued.
"Hang on, what do you mean by that?" asked Maria suspiciously.
"He means the Reptiliad can't be held off forever, remember how quickly they took Britain and Northern France?" Tom replied after reading Tobias' mind.
"That's right," continued Gorthon, "Germany, Switzerland, Belgium and Luxembourg are now the front line, I am afraid to say," he concluded.
* * *
The sun rose over Paris. It had been days since any news of Lord Venom's whereabouts came. Vincent Dunthorpe stood at the top of the Eiffel Tower with some binoculars. He was scanning the horizon for any helicopters, but instead he saw something quite different. A winged yet battered shape emerged on the southern horizon line, and there were no helicopters in sight. A few minutes later, Lord Venom crashed onto the floor in front of him. Something was wrong, he was breathing heavily, and he looked badly injured.
"You and you!" Vincent shouted at two nearby lizards, "get support up here, now!" it was a desperate situation, as unbelievably, it seemed Lord Venom was defeated.
"They...have...power," struggled Lord Venom, "the helicopters, gone, the manlings, killed them all!" he rasped as his eyes widened in fear at the memory.
"Oh god, are you talking of the children who were cornered in the lab?" asked Vincent in concern.
"Yes...and they know of our weakness..." the Lord managed to force out those last words, before falling unconscious.
A few hours later, Lord Venom awoke. He was in a white room, surrounded by other lizards, and then he caught Vincent at the back of the room, speaking with some of his men.
"Dunthorpe!" he called across the room.
"I see you've made it, that was too close," Vincent remarked.
"See that your units are in position," Lord Venom continued, "don't let them get away this time, slay them all!"
"I've just got in contact with one of them, and they're in position, ready to strike at my call." Vincent concluded. Lord Venom hissed subtly. He was going to taste even more revenge. It was sweet, and he was clearly addicted to its nectar.
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125,004 Literary Works • 672,792 Reviews
Hello again!
I'm going to do more paragraph/sentence level things now. Bigger picture things still apply
I slashed it because I thought it sounded weird, and it's not adding anything to the sentence.
Instead of "at least", try "so".
I slashed because it's redundant.
New paragraph at "Hope". That second sentence is a fragment - you need a subject and a verb. Also, I would appreciate a little more information about how hope has been rekindled, then start a new paragraph when you start talking about the mountains.
That second sentence is a little confusing to me and feels redundant.
Try "This" instead of "Which" in that first sentence. In the last sentence you don't need a comma before "was". And start a new paragraph after "afraid".
The bold part is clumsy. "Seems to have" implies they're not sure what kind of accent he has. If they're in Vienna, I'm sure it's fairly obvious what his accent it. I would simply say "he said (began) with a thick Austrian accent".
The italics part confused me. I'm really not sure what he's trying to say here.
New paragraph at the start of this sentence because you've switched focus.
Slashed because it's unnecessary.
Very long sentence.
Um, if he's afraid that any of those things are going to happen, why would he agree to go? Where did these concerns even come from? And he read the guy's mind and didn't see anything suspicious, right? This seemed weird. And who is Tom to start bossing this guy around? And let's say something did happen if they go with this guy, like some of these fears are justified, then what? They're just not going to answer the questions? At that point, they'd have much bigger problems...
(Also new paragraph after "sternly")
Huh? Who is that in reference to? Tobias? Is this fact or assumption? Seems like a weird place to throw in this little detail.
Why were they looking for the BBC? This goes back to a point I made in an earlier chapter, but how did the lizards take over so quickly and wipe out so much?
Also, there are tourists in Vienna? Surely they've heard about what's been going on with their neighbors... Wouldn't that cause a worldwide panic, or do people have a false sense of security not that this group of four kids is on the case?
The lab? What lab?
I don't like the "a few hours later..." part. I think it reads awkwardly. These last few lines from Lord Venom - "see your units are in position..." to the end can be added in before he goes unconscious. That will give the reader some suspense - what's he planning and did he survive?
Overall, I thought you had some great descriptions in there and this plot is still really interesting! You're doing a nice job of keeping the stakes high and keeping the plot moving forward.
Lizards vs. people is an interesting idea. There's lots of potential there. However, at the beginning of the chapter, you're giving too much information. The bits about social media and public knowledge would better saved for later, especially since the characters are headed to talk to the UN. Talk more about the setting, how battered the characters are, and how they feel. They probably don't give a rat's backside about social media anymore. Plus, if they've been busy escaping, they don't know how what the internet has been saying. That whole section of information would probably be better as a conversation about public awareness, and what to say to staunch panic among the people. You also repeat yourself about how fast word travels a paragraph later, which makes it redundant.
There's also something odd about your sentence arrangement. It seems blocky and monotone. This will probably be fixed if you rewrite it without the media info though.
Your dialogue is.... cheesy. If it was only one character being cheesy, alright. That's a quirk. But ALL of it is cheesy. Cheesy isn't always bad, mind you. It can be funny, when used right. When all the speaking is cheesy, it becomes uncomfortable to read.
Let's take the part where they go into the palace. You already told us Ian is in awe, but he still says 'whoa'. If you take out just that one word, it becomes less cliché and awkward to read.
Other than that, there's a few grammatical errors, but nothing major.
Keep it up!
First of all, thanks for the review! Alright so you said it was cheesy and remove the bits about the media, sure I'll get right on to that.
Ok, changes made, does that seem a bit better?
Some. :3 The new details are good! Try to avoid 'he/she/they had' sentences though. The audience doesn't like to be told, they like to see.
You've got lots of potential! I'm interested in where this is going. Try reading up on how to 'show' things in your writing. <3
Will do, thanks for the feedback! Chapter Seven will be published as soon as I can get it up, but you should go back and read the first five chapters in order to understand the storyline a bit better!