z

Young Writers Society


12+ Language Violence

A Scale of Power- Chapter Seven

by LordofLit101


France was finally all theirs. It had taken three weeks, but it was all worth it. Lord Venom had now fully healed from his ordeal with the four, and was now ready to make his next strategic move. Vincent had told him there was always one strategy to get them to listen. Blackmailing. Although Vincent and all his men knew it was going to be no easy task, they needed to reinstall fear into the heart of the world, as moral had boosted since Lord Venom's defeat. Humanity had won a few battles since that first defeat of the reptiles. They also knew that their message would never be broadcasted willingly on major channels, therefore they needed to force their way onto the airwaves. 

After days of attacking countless links and chains of code, they had finally succeeded in gaining some time to issue some serious threats. Lord Venom stood boldly in view of the world, and as control was lost of all of the broadcasts, he sneered at the camera and began to speak. 

* * *

At last exhaustion and wariness had finally subsided within him. Tom felt secure and safe for the first time in ages. The television blared a news broadcast on the other side of the room, as he stared out over the magnificent city. He sighed as he thought of where his family may be. He hadn't dared to imagine the final possibility. In fact, they were all worried about their families, they had heard nothing of them since the Reptiliad first emerged from the lab building that dreadful day. Tom replayed the scene of that day in his head. The fear. The uncertainty. The hopelessness of it all. Hope had been rekindled yes, but for how long? He then looked over the events of the day he and the others had stood defiantly in the fear-mongering gaze of Lord Venom. The image of a badly wounded Lord Venom surfaced in his mind, as the possibility of his death made him smile against his will. That was when he heard an all too familiar voice behind him. 

Suddenly he felt himself go numb. his eyebrows narrowed in the reflection of the window as he turned a scarlet colour. Tom turned to face the television. There it was. Staring at him as strongly as the moment he leapt from the helicopter to kill him. Lord Venom, and obviously he wasn't dead. 

Get in here, now! 

Tom shouted in his mind. Mere seconds later a group of people including the other three burst into the room. They all had panicked looks on their faces, as the unauthorized broadcast continued. 

"Your saviours did not end me," Lord Venom began, "Your world as you know it is rightfully ours. We were here first, you only did what you are good at; destruction and thievery. If you do not want to be driven to extinction, as you have done to so many before you; then NATO and the United Nations must stand down their armies, and surrender the planet to us. If you resist this, then all of your kind shall suffer the same fate, as these retched scum you see before you." he stood aside, and there they were. Tom's entire family. A mixture of Vincent Dunthorpe's men and Lord Venom's troops held them at gunpoint. The Lord nodded. A clamour of gunfire sounded, and the humans dropped lifelessly to the floor. 

Tom stared at the screen for a moment. Then he howled, both in his mind and out loud. everyone in the room held their heads and growled in pain. Something quite extraordinary then occured. On the screen, Lord Venom and all the other creatures there screamed in pain and clutched their heads. 

Now I would like to address you, if you don't mind. 

Tom began, 

I will not stop, until all of you filthy, wretched diseases are dead! You, Lord Venom, I'll kill you, no matter how stubborn you are, no matter how mighty you think you are, your death will be the most painful. That is not a threat, that, is a promise.  

He then concentrated on the screen with all his anger and hatred, and everything on the other side of the screen burst into flames. The screen then turned to static. 

* * *

 Tom was breathing heavily through gritted teeth. He didn't take note of the fact of what he had just accomplished. Everyone apart from Ian, Maria and Catherine applauded. The three just looked at him in pity and sorrow. 

"I am no hero! Do not applaud me!" he screamed, then bolted from the room. 

Tom sat on the roof of the palace. Sobbing like he had never done before. 

They expect me to be a hero. I couldn't even save my family! I am weak! 

He shouted in his mind as he slammed his fist into a chimney. The chimney collapsed immediately, and he barely felt a thing. He screamed at the sky, as he heard another voice in his head. That clearly was not his. 

You doubt yourself.

It began, 

That is why you are weak. You were destined by prophecy to become this. Look at what you have done so far. Striking fear into one of the Lords of Darkness. Do not falter now, justice will be done, I swear.  

The voice continued. It seemed a deep voice, with a heavy aura about it. It was nearby, Tom was sure of that. 

Who are you?  

Tom asked in reply to the voice as his head swam. 

You shall discover who I am, in time. 

The voice concluded, then silently faded away into the starlit night. 

* * *


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Sun Jul 26, 2015 5:01 pm
ChimeraMania wrote a review...



Suddenly he felt himself go numb. his eyebrows narrowed in the reflection of the window as he turned a scarlet colour.

'Suddenly he felt himself go numb. His eyebrows narrowed in the reflection of the window as he/his eyes/his eyebrows? turned a scarlet color.'

Then he howled, both in his mind and out loud. everyone in the room held their heads and growled in pain.

Capital 'e' for everyone. (LOL read it like a PlayStation games loads and it says 'rather e for everyone.' At least I think that's what some PlayStation games say.)

Why do you do that with 'He began,' and 'It began'? Why have that on a separate line?

Whelp, that's it for this review. Up I go.

~Sharrae out, tottles




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Mon Jul 20, 2015 5:20 pm
Carlito wrote a review...



Hello I'm back! Same deal as last time :)

Vincent had told him there was always one strategy to get them to listen.

This sentence was confusing to me. Who is them?

Although Vincent and all his men knew it was going to be no easy task, they needed to reinstall fear into the heart of the world, as moral had boosted since Lord Venom's defeat. Humanity had won a few battles since that first defeat of the reptiles. They also knew that their message would never be broadcasted willingly on major channels, therefore they needed to force their way onto the airwaves.

This whole chunk gets a little wordy for my taste. I slashed some of it because it's information we already know from previous chapters.
Why wouldn't their message be willingly broadcast? I know in the US, the media reports on enemy messages all the time. They may not exactly play a video or something from the enemy in its entirety, but they often play sound bites or at least report on the general content of the message. (I'm thinking of post 9/11 War on Terror/the hunt for bin Laden stuff and now ISIS to a degree). Is this what you're referring to, that a full message isn't going to be played, it would only be a sound bite or an overview of what was said, and they (the lizard army) doesn't want that?

After days of attacking countless links and chains of code, they had finally succeeded in gaining some time to issue some serious threats.

This is for television, right? I know absolutely zero about code, so I apologize in advance if you do and I'm about to sound extra stupid :p But there's code for television? And one could break that code in a few days? I feel like it would be pretty tough to do what he's trying to do...

Tom felt secure and safe for the first time in ages.

Ages? How long has this been going on? I thought it hadn't been that long. You could consider rephrasing this like "safe for the first time since all of this began" or something.

He sighed as he thought of where his family may be.

I'm not a fan of the action here - the sighing. I would go with a feeling, but describe it. Maybe his stomach is in knots as he thinks about his family. Or maybe he feels dread and trepidation.

He hadn't dared to imagine the final possibility.

I get what you're saying here, but I think it's awkwardly worded.

He then looked over the events of the day he and the others had stood defiantly in the fear-mongering gaze of Lord Venom.

Awkwardly worded - read it out loud and see what you think. You can't exactly look over the events of the day like they're a series of photographs or a movie playing out in front of you. You can think about them or reflect on them or remember them, but you can't really look at them, ya know?

Suddenly he felt himself go numb. his eyebrows narrowed in the reflection of the window as he turned a scarlet colour.

I liked this description until the underlined part. He turns scarlet? Why? I'm confused.

Get in here, now!

Tom shouted in his mind. Mere seconds later a group of people including the other three burst into the room. They all had panicked looks on their faces, as the unauthorized broadcast continued.

"Tom shouted in his mind" can be in the same paragraph as the thought. Then start a new paragraph at "mere seconds".
Now "Mere seconds" to the end of this little part also sounded awkward to me. I would start with "Name, name, name, and a bunch of other people burst into the room with panicked looks on their faces." Name the three. Then I would describe what they all do. So they burst into the room, and then what? Do they stand there and stare at the wall? Do they go look out the window? Do they gather around and watch the TV?

then NATO and the United Nations must stand down their armies, and surrender the planet to us.

NATO and the UN don't have armies. The countries that are apart of NATO and the UN have armies, but the groups themselves do not. The UN has Peacekeepers, but they are pretty limited in what they are able to do and they don't have weapons. I'm not sure if you meant the individual armies of the countries that make up NATO and the UN or not, but I'd consider rephrasing this.

Then he howled, both in his mind and out loud. everyone in the room held their heads and growled in pain. Something quite extraordinary then occured. On the screen, Lord Venom and all the other creatures there screamed in pain and clutched their heads.

The first sentence in this paragraph is a little awkwardly worded to me. I would give more of a description of this howl - how long does it last, how loud is it, what does it sound like. Does he realize he's doing it in his head and out loud? Maybe he's doing it unconsciously - like howling out loud without thinking about it and then he realizes he's thinking about it, too (or vice versa).
The second sentence - "everyone" needs to be capitalized.
I slashed the third sentence because it felt unnecessary to me. It's leading up to the next sentence, but we can just read the next sentence and decide for ourselves if it's extraordinary.

Now I would like to address you, if you don't mind.

This seems pretty polite for a guy that just watched his family be murdered.

He didn't take note of the fact of what he had just accomplished.

Awkwardly worded - I would go with "He didn't realize what he just accomplished"

Oooooo that ending was interesting! Again, the plot here is really interesting. And that's good! If you don't have an interesting plot, then what's the point :p You just have to work on your style and mechanics overall, but that's stuff that comes with time. Write a lot and read even more! :) Let me know if anything I said was confusing or if you have any questions!




LordofLit101 says...


Hey Carlito!
I've read all the reviews and will make the changes as soon as I possibly can, thanks for the feedback! You wanted to know how the lizards gained so much in so little time? Well for example, when something happens away from Western civilization, nobody in Government really panics. But take what is happening in the news lately, the thought of threatening people (such as terrorists) has sparked a massive scare. Anything logical would be thrown out of the window, and when this happens, society quickly crumbles away and it doesn't become a battle, it becomes a struggle. Anarchy ensues, and without the right leaders, humanity becomes like a fly trapped in a hot room- chaotic, disorderly, and almost mindless in what it says, thinks, or does. The Reptiliad have used this collapse of pretty much the very definition of ordinary or safe to their advantage. Therefore humanity has only one plan that was shoved into the shadows a very long time ago, when humanity got too comfortable; survive, nothing more, nothing less.



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Thu Jul 02, 2015 11:44 am
yizhongt wrote a review...



Hey there, yizhongt here to give a review.

Well what can I say, another well written story. I feel extremely sorry and sad for what happened to Tom and his family,but sometimes that's how a hero is born. Will the same fate befall the rest of the group's family? I hope not. It is good to know that the humans have won a few battles here and there, hope they could push back of at least hold the lizards to a stalemate soon.

The last part of the chapter was by far the best. I'm really intrigued as to who is this voice that is contacting Tom telepathically. Is there another person or group of people that have powers as well?

I have honestly nothing negative to say. I did not find any sort of spelling or grammatical errors. The story also flowed very nicely and had a good pace to it. I cannot wait for the next chapter to come out.

Keep on writing. Cheers !!

p/s: thanks for the review for the Chalice of Life. I really appreciate it




LordofLit101 says...


Thanks for the review and as always I'm glad you're enjoying the story! The telepathic voice was not another member of the four, this character comes into the next novel after this one, and he does pop up again later in the story, but only briefly. That's it! I'm not going to reveal any more about this mysterious character. But anyway, I'm glad you're hooked on the story and Chapter Eight will be out soon!




May you never steal, lie, or cheat. But if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows. And if you must lie, then lie with me all the nights of your life. And if you must cheat, then please, cheat death.
— An Unknown Bride, Leap Year