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138,191 Literary Works • 672,080 Reviews
My favorite line is the last line: "Where I’m too safe and sound." I like that a lot. I don't think there should be a comment between "Sprinting" and "freely. Also, "Sprinting" shouldn't be capitalized, I don't think. Another great poem by LittleLionWomen! Another good job. Keep it up.
-tgirly
HOPE!
yes. hope is what i felt while reading your poem. I expect that it will be some what grieving but I was just shock seeing that unexpectedly... so, it was great!
Nice write!
Hi,
This was lovely. The imagery was good and the sound of the piece works well.
I'd cut the first comma because you don't need it - the line break provides the pause for you. I think "drowning in my death" is a bit dramatic. I'd try for something more rooted in visual, ordinary imagery.
The final stanza was very effective in terms of sound and language.
Hope this helps,
Jas