The clicking of the clock ceases to start,
As all time is frozen like solid water,
The wind is still between each bare blowing,
All that is moving, a silent balloon,
Floating calmly to the still shining sun,
Unaware of the frantic frozen folk,
Silently losing their non-frozen minds.
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140,766 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
I get it, and I like the poem a lot. I like how it goes with your avvie.
Spoiler
Love, LittleLionWoman
Although I think lad123's reply was bordering on harassment, I will agree with him in the sense that I didn't think this made too much sense. I know it's meant to be deep and thoughtful, but there should be a running metaphor, or image, whereas you sort of jump from one to the other. Also, you might want to look at your punctuation.
But seriously, if you developed and re-read and edited it, you could definitely make it amazing. It has wonderful potential and it's evident you've put a lot of heart into it.
While we encourage honesty in reviews, neither flaming nor frat-house language is permitted. Removed by moderators.
The clicking of the clock ceases to start,
).
As all time is frozen like solid water,
The wind is still between each bare blowing,
All that is moving, a silent balloon,
Floating calmly to the still shining sun,
Unaware of the frantic frozen folk,
Silently losing their non-frozen minds.
Just like the person above me, I can't seem to figure out what the poem is exactly about. But there was a lot of freezing and unfreezing and I like the cold (
I am hoping that you can explain the actual meaning to me and maybe add it as a spoiler or a comment later so others can understand it.
And it sounds like everyone suddenly froze and the time stopped and now everything is unfreezing and unstopping again (is there even any word like that...?) And it sort of seemed like you were teasing people about how ignorant they are. (I guess that's the word for it, I am not really good with words. They hate me :'( ) I am probably wrong. Please pm me or reply.
this is...... good!! l love the way you use words and form it to make the human mind think of something else, awesome job, love to see more!!
The clicking of the clock ceases to start,
As all time is frozen like solid water,
The wind is still between each bare blowing,
All that is moving, a silent balloon,
Floating calmly to the still shining sun,
Unaware of the frantic frozen folk,
Silently losing their non-frozen minds.
Hmmm.... i reread and reread this poem at least five times, and i can't seem to figure out what it is about! Even though i am completly in the dark as to what it is refering to, i love it! the imagery is amazing and the word choice makes me stop and think at the end of each line. Maybe you could tell me what it is about? I could probably do a better reveiw then. Ia am guessing maybe a hot air balloon on a winter pond and lots of people watching it take off? Please let me know! Thanks for reading!
~Cammie~
Excellent! You spelled shining wrong, and I don't know much about poetry, but the Wate' part kind of confused me, I read it was wait. That might just be because I'm silly or something. Excellent poem! I love macabre stuff like this!