To be free as a bird,
Is a horrible simile,
For birds are constantly living,
In their own captivity,
Unlike our sheltered selves,
They are living in relentless fright,
Inside their exclusive dwells,
Where day is no different than night.
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140,220 Literary Works • 673,046 Reviews
Hmm. tgirly got all the ones I noticed except one: your rhyming patter error.
Because of your rhyming pattern, and because it will make more sense anyway, and since I have this feeling that this is what you meant anyway, change FREIGHT to FRIGHT.
Awesome. Depressing, but it makes you think. Poor birdies! Amazing.
Unlike OUR sheltered selves... if you're going to capitalize Day, maybe you should capitalize night too. Sorry if I seem harsh, just want to say it before I forget, and they're just suggestions. I like the poem a lot. It's simple and short, but in a good way. Welcome to YWS, hope you like it here!