The fire from my heart dies,
The fire lights my chest a flame.
As I hide behind the smoke
Simply watching the energy rise and fall around me.
The chaos continues as I stay veiled .
The thunder leaves the sun
comes only to find,
I can’t be found.
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140,766 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
Hi there! I like your poem! It's a very interesting poem to me! I'm not a poet, so I can't really help you, but take the reviews above mine as help. Good job and keep it up!
- gleek456 <3
I find this poem slightly confusing. It is too short. I think you need to make it longer so that the situation gets explained better and the reader can maybe understand it. I know its something about hiding and not being found, but I don't get what the person is hiding from.
You write:
Do you mean 'comes only to find me but I can't be find. I'm sorry but I this poem confuses me. I'm really sorry if I sound harsh but I'm just very honest.
But I do like the how you use the flame and you hide behind the smoke. That was a good idea!
I think you should split "the thunder leaves the sun comes only to find" into two lines between leaves and the. Really good poem.
I don't know much about poetry, but I like this! Good job! Although, a flame, can also be aflame. That's all I have, and a flame is really correct too. It's like all right, and alright. They've come to mean the same thing!
Yeah i was going for the blank poem. Also honestly nothing was really going on. . . I wrote it in like spring and I just had this weird feeling from no where it literally felt like my heart was on fire, that was the only way to explain it. So i just had that one line " The fire lights my chest a flame" and worked with that.
It's an interesting poem, certainly capturing the writer in the moment. I don't know if you wanted it to be a blank poem (non rhythmic) or with rhymes because i can see a few links. I liked your description and plot but it would've been nice to have been able to read more about what was going on!
Keep writing! 