Yellow and orange paint the sky as the world around her darkens. She silently sits sipping tea, as she reflects over her life. She has always been graded well, and known for being kind. She has always been the funny one that could make anyone’s day turn bright. But inside her, she is dark, and darkening like the sky. This is when she decided; decided she will give up. To find the light she longs to have. To hold the happiness in the palm of her hand, so she can see it with her own eyes. She becomes determined, mad in her mind. She needs this happiness like flowers need water. For years, she desperately looks, losing herself along the way. She had it good, and then ‘Poof!’ it was gone in the flap of a wing. The girl becomes deeper and deeper inside herself, until she became invisible to the outside world. Only few can see her, but others, they don’t even try. These few who can, hold on to her tight, but every minute they lose a finger till finally they let go. After driving everyone else off, she never found herself. Just memories of her good life, and her yearn for them back. Now she watches the sky fade away, just like her. She watches the colours leave the breeze, and the world around her goes black. Everything goes black.
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140,220 Literary Works • 673,046 Reviews
Didn't fully get your story but liked your language.
Beautifully written.
I think you should covert this story into a poem. The language is already 'poetic'.
Gud job and Gud luck !
Yellow and orange paint the sky as the world around her darkens. She silently sits sipping tea, as she reflects over her life. She has always been graded well, and known for being kind. She has always been the funny one that could make anyone’s day turn bright. But inside her, she is dark, and darkening like the sky. This is when she decided; decided she will give up. To find the light she longs to have. To hold the happiness in the palm of her hand, so she can see it with her own eyes. She becomes determined, mad in her mind. She needs this happiness like flowers need water. For years, she desperately looks, losing herself along the way. She had it good, and then ‘Poof!’ it was gone in the flap of a wing. The girl becomes deeper and deeper inside herself, until she became invisible to the outside world. Only few can see her, but others, they don’t even try. These few who can, hold on to her tight, but every minute they lose a finger till finally they let go. After driving everyone else off, she never found herself. Just memories of her good life, and her yearn for them back. Now she watches the sky fade away, just like her. She watches the colours leave the breeze, and the world around her goes black. Everything goes black.
WOW! I love this one! but just refine some flaws.
This is another pretty deep thing, so if you don't exactly get it, chill out. No need to set this piece a flame. But I would like to say that most of my Short Stories and Poetry (this piece especially) are made by random inspirations throughout the day. All of them have a deeper meaning to me, and I just was curious of other people's thoughts. If you don't get it then it doesn't and won't effect you. But, someone might find some familiarity in it. SO, there is no need to put it down because YOU feel no feeling from it. I'm not trying to be self-absorbed but I write poetry for ME, to let my feelings out, so yeah. Thanks for reading this. Review and tell me what you felt from this piece, there is no right answer, but there are many wrong.
Love, LittleLionWoman