Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Humor

E - Everyone

Poem

by Liberty


I have a poem to do.
I've no idea whatta do!
My mind is blank,
and so's my paper.
It's screaming,
and so am I!

*

I hafta enter a poem,
but I haven't.
Why, you say?
Because my mind is gray...

*

Oh my goodness!
I'm so full of sureness...
That this poem will win!

*

Just kidding.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
391 Reviews


Points: 12363
Reviews: 391

Donate
Tue Sep 17, 2019 12:43 am
View Likes
Tuckster wrote a review...



Hey there Liberty! Tuck swinging by for a quick review. Let's get into it!

One thing I really liked about this poem is the formatting. The centering really draws attention to the short lines, which worked really well with your subject matter. I also liked the way you separated your stanzas; each stanza had a very separate and distinct feeling, and the way you used asterisks and spacing to separate it fit the poem very well.

I noticed that you used some more casual vocabulary (namely, "whatta" and "hafta") in this poem, and it didn't seem to quite fit what you were going for. It felt almost forced, as if you were trying to make something that was written to be serious into something light-hearted by changing your vocabulary.

I also noticed that your stanzas didn't have a consistent pattern to them. There's no rule against that (although in fairness there are almost no rules in poetry :P), but I didn't think it worked with your poem. The short, punchy lines did—those were really well done—but you had 5 lines, then 4 lines, then 3 lines, then 1 line. It didn't seem as if there was intentionality there, but rather just divided up almost at random, and I think it would strengthen the structure if you were a little more deliberate about where you broke up stanzas.

I hope this review was helpful to you, and if you have any more questions, just let me know and I'd be happy to answer them! I look forward to reading more from you :)

Happy RevMo!

Image




Liberty says...


Thanks for the review! :)



User avatar
624 Reviews


Points: 3571
Reviews: 624

Donate
Fri Jun 14, 2019 1:39 am
View Likes
Casanova wrote a review...



Heya, Liberty. Casanova here to do another review for you!

This reminds me of something I wrote awhile back where I incorporated everything into poetry, but then it's the entirely opposite thing at the same time. I like that, honestly, but let's get to the review.

I love the personification in the first stanza. The only question I have- if the paper and the poetry is blank, then how is it screaming? To me it would be more like a look of horror or maybe just a blank stare for not writing it, but if you could explain that to me I think that could clear it up.

The second stanza is decent enough, I dislike the rhyming at the end there, though. I understand you write a lot of humorous poems and stuff, but to me it doesn't seem to bode well with the stanza, but that, again, could just be me and everything. Anyway, onward.

The last stanza, to me, is the best honestly. Although, I wouldn't have ended it with,"Just kidding" :P But I like pretending to be cocky.

All in all, although I don't know what this was for (or even if it was for something) but it's a really funny poem and I am glad that I read it, so thank you for sharing.

Sincerely, Casanova




Liberty says...


if the paper and the poetry is blank, then how is it screaming?
The blank paper is screaming for not being written on.
All in all, although I don't know what this was for
It was for the April Madness. At that time, I had no idea of what to write about, so I wrote a poem about not having any idea on what type of poem to write.

Thanks for the review!



User avatar
405 Reviews


Points: 436
Reviews: 405

Donate
Tue Apr 30, 2019 4:42 am
View Likes
Eros wrote a review...



Heya Liberty!!

Eros here with a review for you!!!

I really really really lovvveeeddd the poem... It is Soo relatable. I really enjoyed reading it. It does happen:


I have a poem to do.
I've no idea whatta do!
My mind is blank,
and so's my paper.
It's screaming,
and so am I!

This stanza is exactly mee. Lool it was really a beautiful sweet little poem, with all the exact feelings expressed in the best possible wordings.
The poem flows really smooth and everything is weaved together into a wonderful poem.

Great work!

Keep writing such amazing works and we will love to keep reading them and keep reviewing them!

Have a great day/ night!

With love,
From Eros

:D




Liberty says...


Thanks for the review! :D



User avatar
5 Reviews


Points: 270
Reviews: 5

Donate
Sun Apr 28, 2019 8:51 pm
View Likes
LavaBlossom wrote a review...



Greetings!

I like this poem a lot. The ending was pretty funny. The part where you say "Just kidding". I also really like how it's so relatable. I have had times when I am trying to think of something, but nothing comes in my mind. It turns gray too, haha.

Mistakes... I don't think you have any mistakes. All of it was perfectly fine! So, good job with that poem you've made. :)

Happy Review Day!

:elephant:

~Artsy~




Liberty says...


Thanks for the review, sis. <3



User avatar
218 Reviews


Points: 1426
Reviews: 218

Donate
Sun Apr 28, 2019 3:06 pm
View Likes
Horisun wrote a review...



What's that, in the distance? It's a review on the Horisun!

Sorry 'bout that, people always have those kinds of intros. Anyways, I really like this poem! It's really relatable, even though I've never entered any poetry contests, I hate it when I can't think of anything to write.
There is one thing I'd like to point out, and that's that you said "My paper" twice, back to back. That was a little awkward for me to read, and messed with the flow of your poem.

Other than that, this poems great! I love how at the end, you were like, 'just kidding' I like to say something sarcastic, like, "I'm the best writer ever" and then say, "Not" And that's what I love about this poem, it's so darn relatable! Great job writing this!

As always, keep writing! And Happy Review Day!




Liberty says...


Oops, just noticed the 'my paper' thing. I'll fix it right away! Thanks for the review by the way! <3



Horisun says...


'tis the season for reviewing!



Liberty says...


XD



Liberty says...


I love your joke thing in the beginning, BTW. It's cute.



Horisun says...


XD Thanks! :D



User avatar
16 Reviews


Points: 258
Reviews: 16

Donate
Sun Apr 28, 2019 11:39 am
View Likes
GirlWithATypewriter wrote a review...



Hi, this is Nive here with a review.
First off, I find this poem very cute and hilarious and I think this surely can be one of your best. I think the main reason for people finding this poem nice would be because it is relatable. When I write poems, they just come to me and there is no particular timing for it. But sometimes when I'm asked to write one, it takes me really long and I usually cannot find the words.

The one small thing that kinda distracted me was the appearance of rhyming words at two places then the sudden change in the writing style. It really is a small negative and can really be overlooked.

Overall, I really liked your poem because as a writer I know that it is difficult to write humour as a genre, especially in a poem. Keep up the amazing work, and I hope to see more poems from you.

XOXO




Liberty says...


Thanks for the review! <33 I'll look at "the appearance of rhyming words at two places then the sudden change in the writing style.". Thanks again! :D



User avatar
6 Reviews


Points: 34
Reviews: 6

Donate
Wed Apr 17, 2019 10:57 pm
GabiSmithMyers wrote a review...



Hi. I can relate. I have to write a poem for school and have this terrible writers block (which apparently isn't a good excuse to give a teacher if why you simply cannot turn in your assignment on time). My favorite line has to be
"I hafta enter a poem,
but I haven't.
Why, you say?
Because my mind is gray..."

I love the imagery behind it, of when you can't think your mind turns to like a gray color. (At least that was my interpretation of it)
Good job!




Liberty says...


Thank you! You got the interpretation perfectly! <3

And, yes, I told my teacher once that I had writers' block and she got mad at me. She made me stay in the classroom for the entire noe-hour lunchtime. Oof.

And if you have writers block, I suggest looking around your house/school for some ideas. Or if that doesn't work, then try looking for some prompts.



User avatar
525 Reviews


Points: 30091
Reviews: 525

Donate
Wed Apr 17, 2019 2:54 pm
View Likes
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello Liberty! Your friend FlamingPhoenix here to leave a few words on your really cool poem. And it lovely day.

So The only thing I would have to say I did see is that you said do twice in the two first lines, now it's not a big thing to worry about, but if you can think of changing one of to do's then it would be nice. But again don't worry about it.

Now what I really want to talk about is how cute and funny your poem was, I think it was a really good idea, and I have know idea why I haven't thought of it before. I think it was really well thought out and it was a joy to read, it gave me a good laugh and I'm glad I came to read it.
I think the flow of the poem was really good, even if some of the words didn't rhyme. But I think if they did, it wouldn't have worked as well as it did.

Over all I think it as a great idea written out in a really great way, and I'm glad I had the time to read and review this. Never stop writing because your stuff is just amazing and a joy to read, I hope you have an amazing day/night.

Your friend and faithful reader
FlamingPhoenix
Reviewing this a fiery passion.




Liberty says...


Thanks! I def would've put some more rhyming words, but I couldn't find that many, and I didn't want it to sound forced so I just left it.





And that was the best thing to do. :D Great work.



Liberty says...


Thank you. :)



User avatar
114 Reviews


Points: 7140
Reviews: 114

Donate
Tue Apr 16, 2019 12:14 am
View Likes
FabihaNeera says...



Hello,

I love this, so relatable!! Of course, it's national poetry month... a little stressful! Honestly, I could probably vote for this poem lol :D

I mean, it doesn't hurt to have such a relatable poem, right?




Liberty says...


Lol, exactly what I was hoping for. ;) And, thanks.



FabihaNeera says...


Np :D



Liberty says...


:D



User avatar
19 Reviews


Points: 0
Reviews: 19

Donate
Tue Apr 16, 2019 12:02 am
View Likes
itsCate says...



This is so damn cute!




Liberty says...


Lol, thanks. :D



itsCate says...


You're welcome.



Liberty says...


:)



itsCate says...


:D




cron
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
— Mark Twain