Young Writers Society

Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a short review for you on this lovely day. I will also help get this out the green room.

Let's start.

First off, I think @Toboldlygo Pointed out everything that need to be fixed. I do agree that this line was a little confusing.

They have a sick mother, who cares about nothing but herself.

They have an ill mother, who cares about nothing but herself.

Hey there! Toboldlygo here for a review.

First of all, I do like the morals you put into it. We absolutely should be thinking about good parenting and remembering that no matter what, there's always room for love!

The first line is, I think, a little vague. "They have a sick mother, who cares about nothing but herself." I think it can either imply physically sick, as in a chronic illness, or a mother who is sick meaning disgusting and doesn't care about her kids. The way it's written, it implies the latter, but later it seems as if you mean physically sick. While I do like your point about taking care of your kids no matter what circumstances you have in life, I also question if you're portraying people with chronic illnesses in a fair light. Your examples of a good sick mother is one who cooks, cleans, and feeds. What if you instead focused on a mother who loves, nurtures, and is attentive to their needs? If she has physical difficulties doing the housework, it can make someone feel bad that that's how people judge if a mother is good. It also implies that making kids do chores is bad parenting, and I would have to disagree on that point. Not doing chores or cook or anything is why kids grow up and go to college and live off microwave ramen, pizza, and spaghetti. But I digress. I personally feel that a loving mother is more important than one who does all the labor in the house, and I think it would nice to see acknowledgement that cooking and cleaning aren't the only, or even best, ways for a mom to take care of her kids.

And finally, in this line here, "They have a father, who very busy with work, but no matter what, he always gives his children the best quality time," there is a tense switch. The sentence is in present tense but the busy dad is in the past tense, so it doesn't make sense to read.

Overall, I think it's a great piece and really geared towards making people think. Well done!

Happy Writing!

Toboldlygo