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I think that the beginning premise is a bit theologically weak Hedwiggle, "He is perfect, therefore whatever He makes is perfect." which made this is a bit difficult to read. God created everything good but certainly if we look around us it's hard to imagine that everything was created perfectly.
There's a bit of an issue with metaphors mixing in ways that don't resolve themselves either in your poem.
You say -> Our lives have roads (line 7) -> the road has twists and bends -> the road is/has animals and obstacles (what would an animal in the road of life be? the extended metaphor doesn't work, and rather than "it's" which is ambiguous to whether you mean "it has" or "it is" you should just put "it has")
And then you go on to talk about tests but it isn't clear if you're still being metaphorical or how this relates to being created good or life's path. There are too many themes all at once and I don't see how the path theme resolves with the spiritual one you outline at the beginning.
A poem doesn't need to tell a story, but it should generally have a point/logical ordering. I would suggest taking a second look at this piece and deciding what you want the point of it to be, then focus on that, eliminate everything that doesn't build up that central point.
Good luck editing!
- alliyah
Thanks for the review! I'll get to editing soon.
Hi@Hedwiggle.I am here to review.
I loved this poem. This is a mood uplifting and inspiring poem for anyone who is going through tough time in their lives.You rightly wrote how some people go through test and those who do not they have their own test of decision making.
The theory that everyone is perfect in their own sense is so true.
And it is never too late to comeback on right path...
Taking decisions and going through trials is apart of life is beautifully explained...
We fall, We learn ,We grow is what I can best explain.
One thing I would like to point out is that in 8th line why is word animals used . Is there any typing error ? Is there any refrence which I did not get ? Do tell me.
Rest I loved your poem
BEST WISHES: BHAVYA
I'm glad you enjoyed this, Bhavya!
I wrote animals as in bad people who come in your way. Obstacles meant the same, but more like bad emotions. Thanks for the review!
Okay!!! I get it now.
All the best for your future works...