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140,098 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Hello again! It took me a while to get here, but I knew I'd review it eventually
[quotes] will reference my old review
Now, since this is the second part, I think it's worth revisiting my first review, just to see what's changed since then! I'll focus on the actual writing here at the very end too, so don't worry
Spoiler
I mentioned last time that your primary skill was in your character interactions, and honestly, that hasn't changed. I still enjoy reading about these people's lives. Jenna seems like a really interesting character, and I was thoroughly invested in every conversation she had here. That being said, some interactions do seem wasted, like the one where the main character talks to Sarah. It could be used to do something far more pertinent, or otherwise just removed altogether. In fact, I do think that there might actually be too much character interaction here! It's hard to grasp so much at once, as Tuckster mentioned. Try keeping it to the ones that truly matter, and it might help everything flow better
Unfortunately, this point from my last review still stands. Your story moves very quickly. I think it has improved since last time, but the issue is still there. There's a lot more narration and time for breathing and digesting now, so that's great, but a little more might still be needed. Stretching out the first half of this and then putting the second into a new chapter might help with your pacing problems. Length isn't a perfect account of time, but it can be a decent enough approximation here
This issue has been eradicated
I know exactly who you're writing about now, so well done! You've introduced characters to the reader properly this time
Okay, there's my review rap-up
As promised, my overall view of this chapter is that it's an improvement from last time. I like the attention you've paid to narration here. It's not just conversations, like it seemed to be last time. The narrations really help stick the plot together, especially combined with your good knack for bringing out your character's thoughts and body language. Trying to slow yourself down when writing will probably help you out the most
Thanks for the review! <3
Hey there Liberty! Tuck back with another review. After this one I promise I'll leave you alone
Overall, it was clear from this chapter that you have a clever plot here, and I loved seeing it unfold through this. However, there are a few areas where I think you could improve, and I'll do my best to give you some critiques that will help improve!
First, the POV switch here really confused me. You never clarified the switch back to Anthony, but that seemed pretty clear from context. It seemed as if you only intended to be on Jenna's perspective for one paragraph. I would encourage you to avoid this in this chapter because every perspective switch adds some convolution to the chapter, and you have to make the informed decision whether the convolution is worth it. In this case, I feel like it isn't because it doesn't add any crucial information to the plot and makes an already heavy chapter even more confusing.
Like I said before, I do appreciate the fast pace, and brevity is always great to see in novels, but I think you're moving a little too fast in this chapter. There were a lot of complicated plot points and a lot of character interactions, and it was a lot to process. I don't feel confident that I could give you a summary that captures every major development in this chapter, which is a bit of a red flag. I think you could slow things down a little and break this huge amount of plot development up a little bit so that it's more digestible and understandable.
I hope that this critique-heavy review didn't discourage you or come across as too harsh! I was impressed by this chapter as a whole, and these are just some minor touch-ups that I think would make it even better. If you have any questions for me, just let me know and I'd be happy to clear it up!
~Tuckster
Oh gosh, I only did one POV. When I'm switching POVs I always write it in big bold so it's knowable. Hehe. Thanks for the review!