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140,098 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Hi again, returning to review more of your amazing work! Another great bit of writing here!
A few comments,
One of my key points I like to make to MANY PEOPLE is sentence lengths. This can really help entice the reader and keep them interested. Lengthy sentences are great in small doses but shorter sentences can really help grip the reader. For example, in the first paragraph:
" Yesterday, when I had that crazy dream, I got so worried about Coco! I tossed and turned the whole night and I had the worst nightmares ever! I cried a lot too. Every time Hannah tried comforting me, it just made me feel worse."
The ideas here are very good but you can build tension and suspense by changing it up a bit. So instead you could have sentences a bit snappier, like:
"Yesterday, I had a crazy dream. I got so worried about Coco! I tossed. I turned. The whole night filled with the worst nightmares! I cried, a lot too. Hannah tried to comfort me. I just felt worse..."
This just helps make your writing a bit more fluent, which makes it easier to read.
Overall, another great piece!
Hoped this helped
Thank you very much for the review. Some people tell me to make longer sentences, some people say shorter sentences, so I'll figure something out. XD
Hi @Liberty500 I am here to do a review on your work here.
okay not really shore way you got so many of these, but I feel like your putting more then one chapter into what your saying second chapter, I feel like we do not need it there.plot
So this plot seems to be really moving I feel, you have got really go description to in this. I feel so that is a really good thing, warning though don't end to many chapters at cliffhangers that mite get a bit much for the other readers that are reading this work.
I would like to say some things here
okay some things I would like to say is, first I am not shore why there is so many things in bold and and such big letters all over the chapter, second just to keep you reminded not to many cliffhangers pleas, third this is a big thing I find with writing, pleas go into your mane characters thoughts, I find that is one of the thing I am needing to ficks to, also if you are going into there thoughts it helps us to see that by putting it in bold and, just say that your going into there thoughts helps to.
what I am not shore about
So this is all that I can say, if I came across as being to harsh and not very nice then I am really sorry, pleas for give me for it. So keep up the good work here.
@EagleFly out to Seek and Kill
Happy Review Day
Thanks for the review. The big bold letters are just the beginning of chapters. Forgot to say they were chapters. Whoops.
That's okay.