Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,529 Literary Works • 672,599 Reviews
Hi L, I really liked your story. It was very good. And, by the way, I remember that day! I didn't see any mistakes or anything, but I did see one. Look at the bold word here:
I think you wanted to write want instead of wan. Because wan is not a word. And if it is a word, what does it mean?
Wait, I searched it up, and wan actually is a word. But, anyways, I like this story! It was fun to read. I can't wait to read more.
~B
Oops, okay, thanks.
Your welcome.
Very creative Liberty!
Maybe I should start writing stuff like this.
It will get ride of writers block and help me practice writing.
Lol
Anyways.... on with the review!
This I really good, I love how you put in detail.
If it were me I'd totally miss that part which isn't good but you didn't!
I think it could use a little more though and make sure to try and explain what you feel in the moment.
Like when you were ridding your bike, were you happy? If so explain. Etc.
The paragraphs are neatly spaced out, so keep that up.
There is a few grammar and punctuation errors so watch for those.
But either than that I loved it.
Keep on writing!
Happy review day!
Sincerely
Anma
Thanks a ton for the review! <3
No problem!
Teehee! What a fun little excerpt. I mean, twisting an ankle is no fun at all. My mom broke her ankle, and that messed with all sorts of things in our household omg. Moms do so much.
ANYHOW.
I like this piece. A lot. You take what could be a traumatic experience and gave it an unlikely tone. Not many people would remember this kind of day as a happy memory. They simply remember the bad. The pain and its cause.
I also like how real the dialogue felt. It just sounded realistic and was very easy to read for me. I also liked how attentive and real your parents felt. They weren't doting, but they weren't dismissive. And the way your main character talked about them wasn't like a smack to the face telling. It flowed very smoothly.
I like the bit about the mom's cookies. It's so true. Absolutely true.
It ended rather abruptly, but something tells me this won't get edited very much. I'm very happy that this helped you get through some writers block though! You never know what will trigger your freedom from that sort of obstacle. And to think something this fun was written by you on a whim? You've got a knack for writing.
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
Thank you!! <3
LOVE IT!
Thank you!
you're welcome <3
Thanks!