[DELETED]​

by Lib

[DELETED]

Comments & reviews · 6
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User avatar
EverLight
Comment

You wrote this when you were in fourth grade? That's amazing. Then again, I think the writing power of children is underestimated.

Very true. Thanks. <3

User avatar
shieldmaiden
Review

Wow, you wrote this when you were in Grade 4? Incredible! It is so great and I really enjoy how the dialogue goes inside her head. I relate a lot to her. I also like how she calls that mysterious person "The Creep". And I'm curious who that 'creep' is and if he/she really did leave that note.

Keep writing. :)

-Shieldmaiden

User avatar
manilla
Comment

hi, would you mind breaking this up or asking me to review a certain section of chapters? thanks.

Uh, nevermind then, can you review: Fairy Diary | Day 8
Thanks. :)

User avatar
starchaser
Review

Hello! Interesting story you've got there. While writing, I highly suggest you stay away from text faces, such as ":)" or ":/". Also, Rachel's father's name would be Frank Frank, and if not for comedic purposes, should not be used. This story does not seem to be a comedy, so I would advise against using that name. Aside from the introduction, magic is not mentioned in the story, and there is no use for it. I understand that they're trying to hide it, but it's never used and has no value in the story. I'm also aware that you wrote this in fourth grade, and this could possibly be the reason for the errors. Anyway, good story!

Thanks! The magic will be used in the next chapters. :D
And yes, @EagleFly said the same thing about Rachel's father. I should change that. I did not pay attention to that.

User avatar
Dossereana
Review

Hi there @Liberty500 I am hearing that you need name I dears well I think I maybe have some suggestions on that, and also seeming that this is not really a story yet this is just the planing I am not going to intervene with that.
but I must say that there is a little thing that I piked up, so the mane persons name is Rachel, Rachel Frank, I also found you said that her dads name is frank so that would mean for there sear name, that his full name is Frank Frank, so not really shore about that name and the sear name to gather, now that is just a little thing that I picked up, but you can ignore it anyways.

“Is Pumpkin okay!?
another thing here, you I there yous a ? or ! for I have learned that you cannot have both and also the question mark over roils the ! so it is a question here. So it would look like this, “Is Pumpkin okay?” okay I hop that you see what I am saying here.

Suggestions for title
1: Saving the lost
2: save I vile
3: Hearts to be moved
4: the foils nest
okay so that is all that I can say, I hope that this gave you some good I dears for Titles, I will love to read this story, So keep up the good work.

@EagleFly out to seek and kill

User avatar
Horisun
Comment

I really enjoyed reading this!

Thank you! But do you have any ideas for my title? :D
Any suggestion will be much appreciated.



i got called an enigma once so now i purposefully act obtuse
— chikara