Young Writers Society

Hello there, @Lia5Giba! I'm Vilnius, here to review your work.

I think you've done an excellent job of creating a poem that describes pre-union, pre-labor laws America. Like alliyah said, you've balanced imagery and emotion in an awesome way that really adds to your poem. I like how you've detailed the "why" this person is in the cotton mill, as it gives more details as to what purpose the narrator has there.

Have a nice [*insert time of day here*]!!!

Hi there! Here to leave a review for your poem! I was surprised to see a poem on this subject, and I really commend you for taking on a difficult historical subject like this for poetry - I don't know if you've seen the TV show "The Mill" but it's a gruesome depiction of what the cotton mill life was like for child laborers, and it is a seriously horrible and under-discussed piece of history.

So on the poem itself, I think you do a good job balancing physical imagery, and internal emotion, you even get into some of the politics of this low-wage labor at the end, that they feel they must submit themselves to this labor to feed their families. I think some of the imagery you used felt a little repetitive, like you mention feet and hands a couple times, and I wonder if you could find a way to vary that a bit, or else just diversify your imagery more.

I would also recommend making the lines a bit more standard length, there was a quite a bit of variation in line length which becomes even more distracting when a poem is formatted by being centered, because the long lines really stick out and detract from the flow.

I like how the poem made a full loop from walking in, reflecting, and then actually walking in; however I don't know if that felt like the most significant way to end it, maybe a final line of reflection, imagery, or symbolism there would be good to elevate that final moment.

Overall I liked your varied imagery, and feel like you captured a bit of the cruelty and sadness of cotton mill labor, I would love to see you tackle more historical subjects actually, or even dig deeper into this one! Good luck in your writing, keep it up!

- alliyah

TEAM HUFFLEPUFF

Hello, I'm Jade and I'll be reviewing your poem today. Let's get started

I walk to the door of the workroom

Four steps up the dusty stairs

To the same door I face every day

I reach for the handle --

I like the interesting start, and the format is aesthetically pleasing, but have you considered stanzas?
The last sentence makes the flow a bit stunted, but other than that I have no suggestions.

The next section was a bit of a surprise. I was taken aback, but it was well executed and I felt sad. No complaints and your flow, spelling, and everything else was perfect!


The last part was almost a twist for me, seeing as I expected the person o be in the modern day, thinking of historical tmes.

Overall, I have to say it was written well and I could picture it in my mind!

Jade

Hello there!

Oh my goodness! I really love historical poems and this was a good one. I felt the narrator's exhaustion, lack of motivation, and aversion towards the cotton mill job he/she was forced to do. I'm not sure if it is intentional or you forgot to put it, but there should be question marks? Your words were "Who would want to work..." so at the end of the message there should be a question mark. Also, you should remove the letter "s" on "freedoms" because it's an abstract idea or if you plan to talk about freedom in general. Unless, you were pertaining to the four freedoms.

Besides that, I love your poem and the imagery you got there, especially "Along with the feet of filthy rats" because I really felt the horrible work environment he/she has.


Cheers,

Kattee

I liked this. The tone was different, but it captured the meaning perfectly. It had a mood that made me feel sad. Historical fiction is one of my favorite genres, but I can't grip it. You did it wonderfully.

The cash was a little off, but that is confusing. I had a good time reading this poem. I experienced many emotions.

Keep it up!
~S.M.Locke~

One thing I loved was your use of repetition. That was really well done. The descriptions were on point, and I feel the overall mood and tone really encapsulates the necessity yet evil of child labor back then. I feel that the fact this takes place in front of a door is very poignant. It shows the threshold and the decisions the narrator could make. In the end, they turn the handle, because they have no other choice. Some things I noticed: mentioning money can be tricky in historical fiction, because of inflation and all that. 50 cents was a lot more then than it is now. (adjusting for inflation, it would be around 13 dollars, which is higher than some state's minimum wages!) I know I didn't have to, but I did, and I took it upon myself to research what their wages would be like, and apparently the average was 1 dollar a week (20 cents per day). So that was kind of a thing I noticed, mostly because I'm a stickler for facts. Not everyone will notice, it was just something I did and wanted to point out mostly out of interest. You can disregard that if you wish. I think it would be interesting to dive deeper into the setting of a cotton mill, since you've specified it already. Sure, all factories were dirty and dangerous. But didn't cotton mills have lung risks, because of all the cotton dust (I feel like I read that somewhere)? Or perhaps you could allude to a real, well known cotton mill in your description. Anyways, I really enjoyed this. I love historical fiction and I really loved this poem.