I crossed the bridge to Nowhere
Which I'd heard of but not seen
The second I arrived there
I was summoned by the Queen.
----
The Queen was doing nothing,
At a rather rapid pace
Which in Nowhere, I discovered
Is the customary case.
----
She answered all my questions
Though I'd asked exactly none
Though I still knew next to nothing
When her answering was done.
----
So I looked around the castle;
There was not a lot to see.
Almost everywhere in Nowhere
Was invisible to me.
----
The palace, as I viewed it,
Had no ceiling, floor or wall
And so it looked as if I stood
On not anything at all.
----
This poem is unfinished. To be honest, I'm publishing it now because I have no idea where to go with it! It's an older poem I dug up, so I need to get reaquanted. If anyone could at least attempt to fill in a couple more stanzas, that would be amazing.
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140,094 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Hi
I love it! The first thing it made me think of was Alice in Wonderland.
' Had no ceiling, floor or wall.' - Maybe change the 'or' to 'nor'.
'She answered all my questions
Though I'd asked exactly none
Though I still knew next to nothing'
When her answering was done.'
To me the second 'though' does not really fit, perhaps change it to 'And' ?
It doesn't feel like it needs to carry on, it leaves that nowhere feeling floating which is pretty cool.
Like- okay. This is great! Honestly, I love the playful rhythm. It almost reminds me of Shel Silverstein? Like a bit? I can picture a grandma reading this to her grandchildren. It's so whimsical, I feel it deserves its place in a fairy tale. It is almost like a nursery rhyme. I love your bits like:
and I thought these were quite playful and ironic and fit exactly in with it. At first read I thought you could have improved the rhythm, as some syllables didn't exactly fit, but that was just my brain adjusting. Upon the second read, nothing stood out to me as blatantly wrong. This was great!Thank you so much, really! Sorry, but... do you have any suggestions on how the poem might end? I'm just kinda stuck on that part.
Hmmm... I'm not sure if this would deviate the theme, but you could bring Somewhere into it if you wanted. You could further explore nowhere, but I feel as if I've gotten a sense. You could give some context at the end (was the narrator dreaming? High?) but this could also ruin its whimsical-ness. Maybe Nowhere becomes Somewhere. I don't know, but I hope you find these helpful.
Thanks for your suggestions, really.
This idea is amazing! I certainly could never come up with it. It kept me on the edge of my seat wondering what this nowhere place would lead me next. Nowhere I guess! LOL!
I like the way that it is organized with one line flowing into the other via enjambment. The first stanza sets up an abab pattern which led me to expect the same pattern to be followed. That is a very difficult challenge for a poet to set up. Consistency would require a continuation of:
cdcd
ghgh
etcetera.
I can understand why you chose to relax the pattern, since it makes it much easier to place substance above rhyming exigencies. You are seeking a continuation and a closure. Well, the theme of this poem seems to be leading to a demands a surprise ending. So since you requested assistance, I will search for a way to finish it with a humorous twist. I suggest that you do the same. Actually, I would prefer that yu finish it since that way it would remain totally yours and not a collaboration. .
A punchline ending that leaves the reader chuckling would be cool. . Now what could that be? At present we both have no idea but I'm sure our creative subconscious will come up with something.
Some observations:
I crossed the bridge to Nowhere
Which I'd heard of but seen
The second I arrived there [seen and second = alliteration]
I was summoned by the Queen.
----
The Queen was doing nothing,
At a rather rapid pace [nice alliteration via rather and rapid]
Which in Nowhere, I discovered [ Nice alliteration of letter [n].
Is the customary case. [ Nice alliteration of letter [c].
----
She answered all my questions [nice assonanc of letter [a].
Though I'd asked exactly none[,]
Though I still knew next to nothing [nice [n] letter alliteration]
When her answering was done.
----
So I looked around the castle;
There was not a lot to see.
Almost everywhere in Nowhere
Was invisible to me.
----
The palace, as I viewed it,
Had no ceiling, floor [nor] wall [adds [r] letter allitaration.]
And so it looked as if I stood
On not anything at all.
----
One possible ending might be:
Then suddenly I vanished
From that otherworldy land
Back to this place of solid tears
and real frustraed plans
Back reality as is
and not as never was!
Please take me back to Nowhere land
Because!
Because!
Because!
BTW No reason to feel badly about the flow of inspiration coming suddenly to a stop. All a poets experience that frequently True, some poems seem to write themselves. But others-like this one might demand brainstorming. Thanks for sharing and looking forward to reading more of your work.
Thank you, really! I didn't even notice all of those alliterations and such you pointed out. I wrote this so long ago that I'm not sure when I did it. I just found it in a notebook. Thank you for your suggestions, and your stanzas are really good. Thank you!