The Bar/:(

You don't want to put dialogue between any block of text. Here, you have "First time I felt alive." between the first half of the paragraph and "I laughed."

You could instead say:

...bar through a window. I lie on the pavement with bits of broken glass surrounding me like a fish in water. I laughed. "First time I felt alive."

I would generally opt to "Show" rather than "Tell" I'm sure you've heard of this before.

The first three lines you say, "I was gloomy, depressed, and tired."

An easy way to "Show" that you're tired is simple. You can say something about your muscles feeling weak, your muscles aching, or general feeling of fatigue as an example. For the former two you might say something about not being receptive to funny jokes or conversation or add in a part where another character tries to talk to your MC but he doesn't respond.

You're also forgetting to capitalize "I" and you're missing some punctuation. I recommend at least putting through a Grammarly check. It has a free version and a paid version. It will fix some silly mistakes such as not capitalizing or some basic commas.

Hey there! Eli here for a review of your work!

I will be taking parts of your work and sectioning them, they will be in orange below in this review. The story was interesting, short and simple. I got to be in a place of a man with emotionless thoughts about himself and maybe even a death wish. The concept of the whole story is okay but the thing that bothers me is the way it looks thanks to wrong use of words and not well built sentences, this let the reader with the impression that the work is not worth their time. And even I would think like that but why not give this short sweetie a try? All I will be doing in this review might be only edits but this is what this work actually needs. After a simple editing, the work can be so much better looking!

I was gloomy, depressed and tired. I sat in a worn out bar near a busy cafe. I always thought of myself as an inevitable bomb waiting to explode corrupting all those affected by my radius. I stared down into an empty bottle making sure that I didn't look like a man who was about to jump off the Big Ben. I was sure that I was emotionless, dark and damp that nothing could make me feel something... or even anything again.

A man, fat and circle looking, erupted from his armchair and screamed in joy as his favorite team had scored.

I wondered why people cared so much for a rubbish that was just waste of time. That eluded me like my wife eluded me everyday but that,s another story for another time.

I looked at the man and thought I might as well cheer myself up. So I grabbed the bottle and threw it at the man. His face looked bewildered and confused. I tried not to laugh but I just went hysterical. He removed the shards of glass from his face and looked at me with such fury. I knew that I was in for a rumble. He ran and grabbed me with his bear like arms and suplexed me through a table. His face still gushing out blood. I didn't dare to fight back, don't want to use my power for evil and whatnot. He proceeded to pummel me into a pebble. I was then thrown out from the bar through a window. Laying on the pavement with bits of broken glass surrounding me like a fish in water, I said to myself. ''First time I am feeling/feel alive.'' I laughed.


Keep on writing!

Hattable here!

So, first off, welcome to YWS! Secondly, this grammar, man. You're missing punctuation all over the place, some spelling is off, and caps isn't really necessary or recommended in story writing.



I'm just gonna take your whole first paragraph and show you how it could be better with stronger grammar. And because just leaving it like that will drive me crazy.
So...

The World was pure that night nothing could have stopped me i was a inevitable bomb  waiting to happen . I stared down the bottle of wine i had empty full of nothingness empty as a space itself . Oh I wondered how it would have been like if i went up there zero gravity does a lot for your height you know im just a small man whose wife left him and Job been fired from . WHY? did this have to happen to me i know i done terrible things but that was in the past and the past was buried  Or was it

The World was pure that night nothing could have stopped me i was a inevitable bomb  waiting to happen .

I stared down the bottle of wine i had empty full of nothingness empty as a space itself .

Oh I wondered how it would have been like if i went up there zero gravity does a lot for your height you know im just a small man whose wife left him and Job been fired from . WHY? did this have to happen to me i know i done terrible things but that was in the past and the past was buried  Or was it

" YES! GET IN THERE Chelsea are winning 2-0" a drunk man screamed in happiness

Urghh i squinted my eyes at the man in disgust Why did i have to be in a world with incompetent fools why couldn't it be more like me. I put my glass down and headed for the exit to only be stopped by the drunk fool

" Where you going mate the match not finished yet!"
" Do i look like the person who spends the life watching people kick a football around"

" Where you going, mate? The match ain't finished yet!" he shouted in my face.
" Do I look like a person who spends their life watching people kick a football around?" I retorted.

for the first time ever i knew where i was going and i had a chance to step away from the laughter and embarrassment I finnally Knew