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139,346 Literary Works • 672,539 Reviews
This is a really good song -- It definitely describes what it can be like to be unsure if a relationship is simply an addiction or actual love. Good job!
I really liked it and I can relate to a lot of what you described. The only thing that I had a little problem with was the repetitive word "addicted". Yes, I know that is bascially the main theme of the song lyric about the indivual being addicted to the person that they love, but it was kind of used a little too much in my opinion. Good song lyric though.
That was cool, and very emotional. You definitely caught the idea of this guy being addicted.
I think these were my favorite lines. They made the character sound totally abandoned, yet he/she hadn't completely given up. Somehow again over and over just doesn't sound quite right. Maybe you could say over and over again, or just take out the again completely. I'm sure you know it's 'cause, but I just thought I'd point that out anyway. I also liked those lines, it added to how desperate and addicted the narrator is. So, yeah, I liked this. You said it was a song, so I was trying to kind of sing it to myself... but realized I have no clue what tune it would have or what it would sound like in song form. As a poem though, it sounded good.This poem is good and its funny how the characture keeps coming back like a drug with out his fix.
I enjoyed this poem, looking forward to more of your work.
Okay, people, before anyone starts complainin', I just want to say that I have no clue why the spacing is all whacky. I did my best to make the stanzas and stuff readable, but it's still double-spaced and I have no idea why. So don't get yer panties in a wad.
Sorry,
TSM
Howdy there!
I just wanted to say I love the content of your set of lyrics and I think the way you set it out was perfect however it was a little confusing.
What I mean by this was I couldn't really find an established chorus, something that a standard set of lyrics would go back to, it just seems like your lyrics move onto a new verse each time which is confusing and I am not sure whether that would work.
Just my opinion
Overall, well done!