Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
Chapther Two.
I fell into Camrons arms. I was starring hard into the floor of the arena, my face blood red from embarrassment. I slowly started looking up until our eyes met. He looking down at me, with what looked like amusement.
"Hey there." His voice cut though my dazzlement. His eyes were green. The brightest color green I ever seen.
"H-hi." I managed to screech back.
He bent his head down to whisper into my ear, " Good thing I was waiting on you to come out, or you could be in another guys arms, and I wouldn't be too happy about that." He said looking directly into my eyes.
My heart was beating 100 times per mintinute. I didn't know what to say, I was panicking. I couldn't find any words to use.
"BOE!" I heard a familer voice yell. I gathered my self out of Camron's arms reluctantly. Grateful that someone saved me of making an even bigger fool of myself.
When I turned around, all I saw was Ethan. My good buddy. Hell of a fighter. I've never faught against him, we're both unsure who would win in the outcome. Ethan has blonde hair, that is on the short side. Piecing blue eyes, and a smile to kill for.
"Boe! Your fight is about to start!!" He said while he was measuring Camron up. Ethan is very protective of me, he's been in my life even before, I first started fighting.
Camron was sizing him right back too.
"Thank you for not letting me fall." I looked at Camron and smiled appreciatively.
He smirked, "I'll wait for you after this fight. Hell, lets have a bet. You lose tonight, you have to buy dinner. You win, I buy dinner at the shack."
Ethan was looking back and forward between me and Camron. Seeing if I'll take the bait.
I bit. "Okay, your on. " I said excitingly. I looked to Ethan. "Ready to go watch me kick some Carla butt?"
Ethan started laughing, and grabbed my arm and started waking me to the ring.
"What was that about?" Ethan asked curiously.
"I'm not sure. Remember last time we talked? He was such a jerk off. Now he wants to go to dinner. Get this, he even waited for me to come out the bathroom!" I gushed.
"Boe," Ethan said in a very seriously manner that got my full attention. "Be careful. I hear he is dangerous. And I don't want you to get hurt."
I gave Ethan a huge hug and thanked him for being so kind.
After that, I hoped into the ring and listened to the crowd go completely wild. I wanted to think about want happened with Camron. It was so odd. But I didn't have time to think about that.I had to win, I had to show him up on this bet.
I put my mouth piece in, listened to the announcer announce my name, then the referee telling us to play nice.
"1, 2, 3.. GO!!" He screamed.
I looked at Carla. I guessed her weakness, I went for the ribs. I fought her before and won, but this time she knows my moves.
She went for the jaw, I ducked and kicked her legs out from underneath her, and the crowd was screaming and chanting my name.
"ROUND ONE, BOE! " the announcer yelled.
Round two was just beginning, and I looked over to where Camron usually sits, and he was starring intently at me, and all I could do was stare back.
Carla took advantage of me glancing off, and hit me so hard in the ribs I went down. The crowd booed. And yelped for me to get up.
"CARLA ROUND TWO." Said the annoying announcer.
I knew this last round made me, or breaks me in his eyes and my pride. My stomach started to flip flop due to pain or being nervous.
" ROUND THREE, 1 .. 2... 3 .. GOO!" Reff yelled.
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139,687 Literary Works • 672,648 Reviews
Hiya, so I've returned for chapter 2!
I definitely wasn't disappointed when reading this chapter, I like how there's a love plot emerging but also maybe a plot about the actual fight? I hope there is, but anyways, good addition to the story! We learn more about the characters, and are introduced to some new characters too which is awesome.
I didn't like how Boe has just gone for this guy even though he was actually rather mean to her in the past. It just seems a bit unrealistic that she'd go for a man so quickly like that, and it also shows her to have like no willpower whatsoever, and she's a fighter, I'd expect more from her than that! Obviously, I can't assume just because she fights she wouldn't like him, but surely she'd find it hard at least to forgive and and maybe play hard to get or something. It just seems that the characters are doing something that you want them to do for the plot, not really what they would do.
Also, for the fight scene, I'd like to see that way more in detail, because to be honest, I don't think the majority of readers will know what it's like to be in a fight- I certainly don't! So yeah, I'd really like to see this part in some more detail because I think it's an important part of the story and her character.
Overall, this was a good addition to the story and you've kept me wanting to read more. However, I don't understand what's so special about this Camron guy, apart from briefly about his looks, and some more detail of the fight scene would be great! I hope this helped, PM me if you have any questions or would like another review.
Just keep writing!
-Arc
Me again
Ready and lapping up chapter 2! 
There's a few spelling mistakes here and there at the beginning but you will be able to spot them if you go through your own work with a fine tooth comb. I would recommend the reading aloud technique!
Where you write, ""H-hi." I managed to screech back” - it makes me think of Boe screaming in his face! This doesn't quite sit right with me. Maybe you could swap the word for mumble or squeak? Just a few suggestions.
Ooo - I already like that this guy is a professional charmer. Lucky lady.
I like the way the announcer just went from being a general guy to being annoying in a matter of seconds. You've really set out Boe very nicely so that the reader can get a really good insight into her personality.
Again, I wish that the chapter had been a little longer but I see that I have many more to read so I'm not too disappointed
You'll see me in a second. haha this is fun.
Olive <3
I love how mysterious Camron is!!!!!!!!!! Also I like how he seems pretty into Boe. But it makes me wonder why Ethan seems to think he's dangerous. I have SO many questions now!!! But as for feedback, I would recommend the fighting scenes be a little more elaborated. They seem to go by pretty quickly. Oh and why didn't Camron look happy when she fell into his arms?
This was still good...its just that you changed things up. Like you were in a hurry to write this chapter. and can i say WAY TO SHORT! That wouldn't even be more than a page and a half. Your grammar and spelling were off. Like i said...you seemed in a rush. I defently want to read more and I'm about to...its just that when i read the first chapter i pictured this one being just like it or better! Now let me address Ethan...I want to know more about him. Camron is interesting, but you cant over look the best friend! Cant wait to read more.
I'm afraid to say that you're writing goes downhill from the first chapter.
It needed a lot more editing work before it came out as the grammar is so misshaped I have no idea where to start. I was interested in reading the outcome of the meeting between Camron and Boe, but in the end I was just confused at the bad writing.
Words are misspelled and the tense changes from past to present at more than one point. It's badly described as words are in their wrong format and I can hardly picture the meeting.
Again with the 18+ and Mature rating. If it was eighteen plus or mature, you would have described her while she was fully naked and said the word 'ass' instead of 'butt'.
Hope the third installment is better.
I really like this story. Keep writing!(:
With Love,
Paige
Ok, this is VERY short alright...
I like it, but there are a few little things.
Ethan is very protective of me, he's been in my life even before, I first started fighting.
Should be " Ethan is very protective of me, he's been in my life even before I first started fighting. "
No comma, we don't need one.
And I think it's interesting how he was waiting for her, while in the previous chapter she stated he didn't look happy about her falling into his arms.
You said dark brown eyes in the first chapter... MAKE UP YOUR MIND. Does he have green eyes or dark brown ones?
Ok well...
Thanks I wanna read more!
Thanks,
pegasusgirl2
Hey this is a great update to your story. I am already hooked and can't wait to read what happens to Boe in the next round. There are a few errors I noticed in terms of grammar.
In the first few sentences you switch between past and present tense.
"I slowly started looking up until our eyes met." This is fine but before this sentence you have been writing in past tense whereas this is in the present. Again the next line - "He looking down at me, with what looked like amusement." - you are in the present tense again but then switch to past tense. Also, you are missing "was" in that sentence to but that's probably just a typo!
Everything else seems fine. You just need to sort out the past/present tense thing. You have set up a nice story and I am interested to see how the characters develop. Will we find out why Boe can only make a living this way? Also more detail on what happened between Boe and Cameron last time they spoke would be great as so far all we know is that he was rude and brushed her off.
Looking forward to the next chapter! ~ Valkyrie
Hey,
)
. Anything stated above, actually everything above are just tips and you can choose to use them or choose to tell them be, it's absolutely your choice.
)
Look who's here to review you submission
Can I say i love this? Can I say that? Because I actually loved it!
First of all let's consider the plot, it was attention grabbing and very clear. After reading the first chapter (which I wanted to read before reading this one) it was very clear what you want to show the readers which is a great plus point. This chapter was a very good one as a starter, I would say.
Usually what mistakes starters do is that they miss the small things which matter a lot. Example: There was no description of how Cameron looks like or how the girl looks like. But don't worry, it's the usual thing which many people do. (Trust me when I say I did this too XD) Now the secret to look professional is this: you add in the description of your characters and the description of the place they are located in. Yes, even that is very important. If you do not tell the readers how the place the characters are in, it is quite difficult for them to imagine the scene and imagination makes the story more interesting.
Then comes the personalities. It is very (Note: Very Very) important to tell the readers about the characters personality. One more thing what this chapter seemed to lack. Wonder how writers write such big chapters? The secret is that they clearly describe each and everything. They show what is happening (of course) but with that they show where it it happening, what the characters are thinking or feeling, what the characters are like, sometimes what the characters may like it to be, sarcasms, old memories, etc.
The part where you mention about the bet, it felt rushed. Now that was really good actually, I loved the sudden bet but their conversation should have been elongated because in real life we just don't grab a person who we never met, before they are going to do some fight which we aren't sure about and ask them to have a bet with us.
Now for the pronunciation and grammar, both were good but there were some mistake that I could find. Some spelling mistakes too.
1. The character's name, I think you meant Cameron because that's what the real name is, Camron is not really a name. It misses the 'e'.
2. In the first paragraph it should be Cameron's not 'Camrons', must be a typo but as this a review I am doing my best to even point the tiniest bit of mistakes so that I can be of some help to you
3. It should be staring not 'starring' in the same para
4. In the second, I think that you meant through not 'though' Am I right? Must be.
5. You wrote mintinute instead of minute. Lol it looked like your heart really was beating very fast
There a few more silly mistakes which can be easily spotted. You should just proofread this a lit bit. If you read the whole chapter aloud you will be able to spot your mistakes (Someone gave this tip to me and I am passing it on to you
I wish you luck for your next chapters, for the story and for anything you will be posting and i will be keenly looking for the next chapter of this book because I am really interested in it. I hope nothing above offended you because in no means did I mean to offend you, I just wanted to be of some help
Umaima (Welcome to YWS by the way, I hope you are loving it here
Thank you for your review! I'm glad you've enjoyed it! Oh, and I'm taking your advice on the next chapter!
Thanks TONS.
Xoxoxoxs,
Katy.