Romancing The Devil: Chapter Three

by KatyyMayy

Published July 19, 2013

18+ Language Violence Mature Content

In Romancing The Devil.

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

Chapter Three.

"1... 2.. 3.. GOO!!" Reff yelled.

Round three is always the worst. Especially when the score is tied. A thousand dollars and my pride and dinner with Camron is on the line and no way in hell is anyone taking that away from me.

Get your head in the game I told myself. Carla and I are circling each other, waiting for one of us to go in for the first move.

At lot is on the line for me, I tell myself. Losing is not an opinion. I strike the first move, I go in with a left fake punch to the arm, and use my right arm to really attack. Then quickly step back, giving me time to readjust.

Carla is panting, and I'm short of breath from circling around the ring. I decided to go in for the winning hit. All or nothing. I use both of my arms and go in for a couple of jabs, then I use my legs to trip her. As she falls, I get on the floor to pin her down.

I hear the reff say, "BOE'S THE WINNER." And the crowd hollers and hoots my name. I was gloating with happiness. Excited for that dinner Camron now offically owes me.

Ethan Is first to greet me. Bringing me towels and water. He congratulates me on the win tonight. The whole time, I have my eye on Camron watching me sitting in the same place he always sits in with his friend.

I head over the the Boss Man, that's actually his real legal name, Boss Man. To collect my money, and he tells me to be back in two days for another torment. I'm able to make a living off of this because when you win, they pay big.

Ethan leaves to go to the bathroom. While Im filling up my water bottle.

"Nice fight Boe." I jumped about ten meters in shock and dropped my water bottle.

"Goodness! " I exclaimed. "I didn't even hear you!" Camron is leaning against the wall behind me. He chuckles, and reaches down to pick my now emptied water bottle.

He hands it over to me, while never breaking eye contact. His skin gazes my arm, and I gasp at cold it feels.

"You must be freezing.." I mumble. His eye brows raise, and he puts his hand over my hand, the same one that's holding the water bottle. His chest gets close to my back, he presses to turn the water fountain on with his free hand.

"Here, let me show you how to get some water." He whispers onto my neck, now his chest is fully up pressed up against my back, and I let out a sigh. His head resting on my neck.

The bathroom door opened and I jumped away from Camron in fright. He looked at me with confusion.

Ethan came out looking at Camron with a scowl.

"Ethan, What's wrong?" I got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Ethan grabs my arm and pulls me behind hind and growls "Get away from her." I tug on his arm and tell him to stop. That Camron won't hurt me.

Camron has a very pissed off facial expression, and he starts coming closer to Ethan, with his friend not far behind.

I jump In between the two boys, hoping they won't squash me trying to get at each other.


"Seriously? What is going on. You guys are being insane." I say while watching Camron and Ethan have a stare down with me directly in the middle.

Ethan broke the show down, and looked towards me. "I'll see you later, I'm going to swing by your place later tonight" he said while walking away.

He left me in utter confusion. I only seen him like that once in my life. When Alex (a horrible classmate) made fun of his little sister, Lexi.

"What was that?" I asked Camron.

"Ethan and I... We don't exactly get along. We tend to stay out of each others way. It's a long going family feud." Camron tried to explain.

I've known Ethan a very long time, and he never spoke about this. I had no idea of this so called family feud.

I nodded. I didn't feel like going to dinner tonight after everything that happened. I didn't want to push my luck.

"I'm sorry, but can we take a rain check? I'm kinda tired." I asked skeptically.

"Sure, Sure. Ill just pick you up tomorrow at eight on the dot." He winked. Which was incredibly cute. I was disappointed that I wouldn't be seeing him tonight.

"Okay, I'll seen you then." I smiled and blushed.

"How are you getting back to your house?"

I live with my parents, they're both drunks. It's the main reason why I started fighting illegal underground fights. Someone needed to pay the bills and they sure as hell weren't doing it.

"I'll walk." I muttered.

"Let me drive you home?" His tone of voice didn't sound like a question.

"No thanks, I can walk." He looked at me disapprovingly.

I shrugged. I didn't need charity.

"Listen, I don't want you getting hurt. It's bad out here. If you didn't know we live in a city, Boe." He said in a very nonnegotiable way.

I reluctantly agreed, knowing by his tone of voice he wasn't going to take no for an answer.

"I have to go change my clothes, be back in ten." I said while rushing to the bathroom.

"Be fast!" He yelled after me.

When I got to the bathroom I replayed everything in my head. I can't believe his sudden mood of change. He's into me. Completely into me. He never asked anyone out before.

Wow. I had a crush on him from very first day he transferred here. This was our last semester of school. I'm finally almost out of this; my life.

After I got done taking my work clothes off, I changed into pink shorts and an over sized tee, and put on flip flops. It felt nice to get out of my sweaty clothes.

I opened the changing room door, to Camron leaning the against the wall. His eyes devoured every inch of my body. It made me feel uncomfortable and self conscious. I looked down at my feet and waited in silence, until Camron broke the tension.

"You ready to go?" He said with raised eyebrows.

"Yes. Thanks for the lift." I said cheery, trying to lighten the mood.

It worked he smiled. "After you." He said while holding the arena door open.

I walked though the parking lot , already knowing what car he drives. He drives a shiny black Toyota Tacoma. It was one of the nicest cars at our school.

He unlocked the doors, as I climbed in. Camron started the truck, not really saying a word. We were about twenty minutes away from my house, barely talking. I decided to step it up.

"Wanna play a get-to-know-each-other game?" I asked kinda unsure.

"What do you have in mind?" He answerd my question, with a question of his own.

"Okay, how about we ask each other five questions. And you have to tell the truth no matter what."

"I'm in. Ill go first," he glanced at me. "Why did you look at me in the middle of your fight?"

"Honestly? I was just debating how important my win was to me." He looked at me again. "My turn. Why did you suddenly want to talk to me? Last time I even looked at you, you went on a rant, for me to never look at you again."

"I'm sorry about that Boe. I just didn't want to hurt you." He said while keeping his eyes on the road.

I liked the way he said Boe. I liked it entirely too much. Breaking me out of my thoughts, He said "Your turn."

"What do you mean by 'didn't want to hurt me'?" I asked worried.

"I'm not an good person. It would be better for your shake, if you moved across the country, and never looked back." He said completely serious.

I wanted to ask him what he meant.

"Here we are Boe, were at your house. We can finish this game tomorrow over dinner, remember eight sharp."

How did he know where I lived? I never gave him directions. I was about to demand to know how he knew, but I was to tired.

"Goodbye Camron, I'm looking forward for tomorrow."

Ill just ask him over dinner tomorrow. I climbed out of the front seat of his truck, and walked down the drive way to my house gleaming with happines.

Comments & reviews · 8
User avatar
ArcticMonkey
Review
ArcticMonkey wrote a review Review · Jul 28, 2013

Hi again!

This time round I think I'm going to get straight into critiques, but I'll end with the stuff that I liked about it. Okay, so even though it was longer than the last ones, it still wasn't that descriptive really. This whole time in all of the chapters there hasn't really been a time where you describe the settings and surroundings, or even the characters really. This is extremely important, because it's not like a movie where you don't have to make up what the people look like, readers have to use their imagination and right now there's not much to imagine.

In particular with the description, at the beginning the MC briefly mentions how important it is for her to win, and she does explain the reasons, however I'd like for you to go into more detail with this. And not just the Camron factor, although that seems ever so important to her. But I'd really like to know more about the pressures of fighting, and to be honest I'm finding that more interesting than the love story at the moment.

On a more technical note, I noticed here that sometimes your tenses messed up a bit. Because the majority however is in the present tense, I'll try and help you out a bit here by saying that the verbs often end in 's' rather than 'ed'. I'd also like to say that writing in the present tense, I find, is way harder than the past tense, so you might wanna think about that the next time you're writing a story.

If we're staying on the technical side of things, I noticed that all you've used here is simple sentences, and I found in numerous cases that the sentences could actually be joined together. For example-

He left me in utter confusion. I only seen him like that once in my life. When Alex (a horrible classmate) made fun of his little sister, Lexi.

This could all be one big sentences with commas/semi-colons and connectives and such!

I'll end on what I liked about this, and it's mainly about your characterisation. I like how I learn about your characters through the dialogue and actions rather than you just telling it so well done! I hope this review helped, as always, PM me with any questions you have or if you'd like another review on anything.

Just keep writing!
-Arc x

User avatar
arli021
Comment
arli021 commented Comment · Jul 28, 2013

I like how it's longer and more detailed, but I'm confused. Does Boe stalk Camron or something, because she already knows what car he has? How does Camron know where she lives? I'd love to hear more.

User avatar
OliveDreams
Review
OliveDreams wrote a review Review · Jul 28, 2013

Yes, it's me.

I can already see that this chapter is a little longer which makes me excited!

Where you write, "losing is not an opinion" - This really made me laugh. Don't you hate it when you're brain decides to take over your own dictionary settings?

"I head over to the boss man, that's actually his real legal name, Boss Man." - this is also funny and clever. I like it. You have a talent for the comedy!

“His eyes devoured every inch of my body.” - I feel as though this is a sneaky clue as to what Camron might actually be. I hope I'm right. *wink wink*

Another great chapter! I still feel as though you are making some rushed mistakes, but again that can be fixed in the lengthy editing process so I won't let it bother me too much.

On to chapter 4!

Olive <3

User avatar
lauramydear
Comment
lauramydear commented Comment · Jul 24, 2013

Better, LONGER!!! Thank you! I'm still very intrigued with this.

Camron and Ethan and the family feud? Please have Ethan elaborate. I want to know why Camron is saying what he is saying to her. I'm Hooked!! More!(:

User avatar
Rurouni
Review
Rurouni wrote a review Review · Jul 22, 2013

Ok!

Pega here again... Man I like this story!

Now now.. Here comes the corrections..

Ill is I'll. Unless it's ill. Im is I'm. Shake is sake.

Overall, this is good, thought the whole family feud thing is sorta screaming Twilight.... It's really good however, and I really want to read more... Please more!

Well, this was really good, and I enjoyed reading it..

Thanks, I can't wait until I find out what he is XD

Thanks,

pegasusgirl2

User avatar
PatrickGibb
Review
PatrickGibb wrote a review Review · Jul 19, 2013

I am not going to read another chapter of you're story, I'm afraid to say.
The same mistakes of misspelled words and annoying typo's are there, as well as the bad grammar and punctuation.

While I would love to know more about the family feud between Camron and Ethan, I'm afraid to say that the romance is way too creepy. When somebody knows where you live without you telling them or giving directions, people realistically stop and think 'fuck'. Besides, when somebody goes on a rant just because you looked at them, you instantly know they're not for you and you can do better.

Oh, and another thing, making the story 18+ and mature doesn't make it more interesting. It still has to have bad language or sexual content before it gets to that level.
It has the chance to be a good novel but some serious work needs to be put into your grammar and the story-line.

User avatar
Valkyrie17
Review
Valkyrie17 wrote a review Review · Jul 19, 2013

Its me again for another review!

I love this update to the story and it seems a little longer then previous ones, no? I like that a lot by the way. :D I also like the pace of the story so far. It keeps going but not too fast so that we can't appreciate whats going on. Thanks for adding in a little bit about why Boe is competing in illegal fighting! I think to add more to this you could add even more detail about her background. Of course, slid it in it bits with all the 'action' so that we don't get bugged down by a ton of detail about one character.

Try rereading your piece again after not having looked at it for a while as there are still a few typos here and there that could have been avoided. For example you have put "At lot" instead of 'a lot'. You capitalise the 'i' in 'is' after Ethan's name at the end of the fight. Then few lines down you say, "I head over the the Boss Man, that's actually his real legal name, Boss Man." - it would be better like this, "I head over to the Boss Man (yes, that is his actual real legal name)." Or a variation of. Apart from the saying 'the' too many times can you see how your original sentence didn't work that well?

Silly mistakes I know but just pointing it out so you can make this piece flow even better! Also you seem to not have the past/present tense problem in this chapter which is brilliant! It makes it a lot easier to read.

Story-wise I like the way its heading! It seems like its going to get interesting in the next few chapters. You have already got me cheering for Boe to be with Ethan and in the next moment I am cheering for Cameron. :D I can't wait to hear more about this family feud. The plot is thickening lovely!

Keep it up! ~ Valkyrie

Thank you so much! (: I apprecite your feedback! I'm so glad you like the story! And I'll try harder to correct the mistakes.

Xoxoxoxos,
Love Katy.

Xoxoxos,
Love Katy.

User avatar
Paige
Comment
Paige commented Comment · Jul 19, 2013

I like how you post new chapters all the time.

I like your story too.

I'm pretty speechless about how much I like it, actually.

That doesn't happen a lot.


With Love,
Paige

Thank you so much! It means ALOT to me that you like it!

Xoxoxos,
Katy.



If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven - and very, very few persons.
— James Thurber