z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Counting my Stars

by JustALittleBarry


I would have to suppose that every

nightmare that peeled its way into my mind,

gripping onto purity and dragging dreams

far into the sky,

has been outlined with hope and faith.


And we find this in the beauty in humanity.

I believe in happy endings, and I believe

that people are good.

I find hope in the innocence of sticky-faced

children who see everyone as a friend.


Spring teaches me of new beginnings

and forgiveness as the smallest strokes of color

arise from the hardened earth.

When the wind seems to only blow bitter breezes,

we are reunited with sunlight.


I would ask how could anything be more beautiful

and confusing as forgiveness?

The bravest action imaginable is turning this anger,

this weight of hatred,

into a loving and hopeful remedy.


I do my best to forgive when it is hardest,

but my younger self would have never realized

that it is sometimes most difficult

to be forgiven

by our own selves.


One day I will wake up and look into

my largest mirror,

peer at my bare face and the skin I was born into.

One day I will be able to be okay occupying this body

and my struggling will begin to fade.


But for now I will close my eyes,

reminding myself to stare up into the sky.

For perhaps this is where

I will be able to find my hope that has

been sprinkled so high, though is never gone.


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Points: 433
Reviews: 2

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Wed Apr 04, 2018 5:07 pm
Gracie12 wrote a review...



I thoroughly enjoyed this poem. The imagery and bright adjectives made me smile because this is probably one of the nicest poems I've read. It also seems very personal, which makes the reader feel happy to read because it gives an intimate insight of the author. The emotions feel raw, and the way you describe them makes the reader feel them too.
I especially liked the 3rd stanza because the imagery is probably strongest here. We can all see the sun, wind, flowers, and almost pastel-like or pure scenery. The lines are creative and powerful. The rest of the poem goes on as a self-reflection, and it's easy to follow and understand.
The only suggestion I can come up with is to essentially "show" us a bit more than "tell". This is a small suggestion because you do a great job in imagery, but if you want to, you could add a bit more. For example, add senses. There are great descriptions for touch and sight (and a bit for hearing) for the 3rd stanza, but if you could add smell, then that would just strength that part. After the 3rd, you do shift a bit more towards "telling", but it's beautiful as it is as well.

I really love this poem, and I hope you keep up the amazing work! <3




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841 Reviews


Points: 664
Reviews: 841

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Tue Apr 03, 2018 1:23 am
Radrook wrote a review...



Radrook here a once again
to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend.'
It isn’t my intention.

Please feel full free to cast aside
all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true
by being extra careful.

That having been said:

I really enjoy reading this meditative poem which expresses many profound concepts in a very artistic way. Children's trusting innocence, the seemingly relentless, implacable winter giving way to warmth, the seemingly irresistible bitter feelings of revenge and hatred being overcome by the desire to forgive, the realization that it is far easier to forgive others than it is to forgive ourselves, are all expressed very eloquently and convincingly illustrate the reason why the speaker feels he has to suppose that all nightmares that have infused his brain must be tinged with hope and makes this poem true masterpiece.

Winter, spring, the wind, the hard ground, the colors, the sunlight, the sky where to hopes seem to have receded to,... The imagery reinforces the arguments in support of a positive outlook on life making far more compelling. I really have no suggestions this time.

Looking forward to reading more of your work.


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Nothing is impossible, for the word itself says, 'I'm possible!'
— Audrey Hepburn