Lotus Eaters

Hey, JustALittleBarry! ScytheMeister here for a quick review

This was a good poem, cute and short. Easy to remember, I loved it!

There were, however, a few minor issues. First of all, the layout should be arranged into stanzas, there were also a couple of grammatical errors and places in which a word was not used but should have been. I'll write my suggestions as a whole and highlight in italics where I have made a change.

She had become some sort of lotus-eater,
floating around in her own little cloudland,
the earth beneath her so distant.

It was as if a large weight had been removed,
instead replaced by a lofty ataraxia.

Each time they met, a mini shivoo
was held in her head.

Something had changed now,
she had somehow learned to walk on water
and could now breathe in sunshine.

She was frolicking in a sort of wonderland,
alternating between paths,
of which were both daydreams and reality.

It's a good poem, just a few suggestions.

"the earth beneath her so distant." I would maybe put "very distant." I think it makes it flow a little easier.

"She was frolicking in a sort of Wonderland,

changing between paths

of her daydreams and reality."

I like this verse the best, though I would just add a few small words, like this; "Changing between the paths"

I just think that small words like that make it flow a little easier. That's just me. . keep writing!