You said that you loved me
just the other day
And I would have never expected what was next to come
You truly did a great job of blinding me from reality
I wish I could go back in time
But there is truly nothing I could do
I knock at your door and you would see me
But you would never answer
I don't know why I knock anymore
You never seem to care, and I doubt you ever will
Why do I care so much
I will never know
Maybe it's because I've known you for so long
All my life in fact
Though you seem so willing to eliminate me from your life
Forever
How come I can't do the same
You are so bad to me but I can't accept it
It seems like a nightmare that I'm just waiting to wake up from
So call me soon
And let me know that we shall never meet again
So I can finally understand
What my reality is
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,820 Reviews
This is ZeldaIsShiek here back for some more reviews on poetry! Before I begin, however, I'd like to mention that the title of this poem was a bit confusing. Confirming the protagonist/narrator as a granddaughter make the poem feel like it is addressed to a grandparent. However, there is no mention of a grandparent at all in the poem. Poems are supposed to be confusing, though. Let's begin!
First off, I'd like to say that I really liked this poem. I thought it fit very well into context with the title and description of the poem. I really think you did an amazing job here.
That's pretty much it for today! Sorry this one was so short. ZeldaIsShiek, out!
Hello! Thank you for your review! I do understand why one might say that the title is a bit confusing. I did ponder the idea of adding that this was addressed towards my grandfather though I wanted to make it up for the reader to interpret for themselves, just making the title and description my own. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem, have a wonderful day!
Thanks, you too!
Hi! my name is MagicAce and I am new to this site and this is one of my first reviews so I hope you can find it helpful.
So I will start of with the negative stuff first.
To me I was thinking that instead of after "you said you loved me
just the other day"
it could be like "you said you loved me
days ago"
or "you said you loved me
but look ware we are now"
"you said you loved me
but your a tragedy,
waiting to happen
for I would have never seen
what was to happen next"
and thoughs are just ideas but maybe something different then "just the other day" to me that just doesn't sound right, but that is just a suggestion
the good things, um, I liked your work it was pretty good and I can understand if you want to keep it the sane, that is not such a bad thing if you leave it "just the other day" again thoughs other ones were ideas.
I think you did great and I cant wait to here more of your work
MagicAce out!
Thank you for the suggestion, I do see where you are coming from. However, I believe that I'm going to keep it with "just the other day" for a personal reasons. I once wrote a paper regarding the situation I was in with my grandfather, and I titled it, "Just the Other Day". For this reason alone I believe that I will keep my current poem, however if I hadn't named my paper that than I do believe I would take your suggestion. Also, great first review! I can tell you really put effort into it!
Best Wishes,
Your Friend, Kat Kimberly
okay ya I totally understand! have a nice day