Artifacts/Broken Pottery

Hey there! It's ZeldaIsShiek here to review another quintessential piece of literature that made my day and win this Review Day by helping the Red Pandas stay in first place and reaching my goal of 80 reviews. I might even get to 100, if I work hard enough. I am really excited to review this amazing piece of art that you have created, and maybe add some witty humor as well. Anyway, that's enough idle chatter from me. Let's get into the review.

This poem struck me as one that was about the loss of a friend, and your writing truly describes someone who is losing a friend that they hold very dear to them because the friend is discarding you like broken pottery. You describe the silence of this person who no longer has any use of communication with you as something that is drowning you. It is taking away your oxygen and replacing it with the cold, unforgiving liquid of a lost friend who no longer loves you. As the end of the poem repeats once again that you thought both of you were outcasts, but only you were the true outcast. It could make someone want to commit suicide, as the last full stanza suggests. This poem is truly a great embodiment of pain and suffering due to the loss of a friend who no longer wants you as theirs.

That's all for today. Keep writing amazing literature that inspires me to read and review them, and have a great Review Day! Let's beat the Blues once and for all!

~ZeldaIsShiek

Hello!

Now you've labeled this as poetry, though it does seem more like a song. Your rhyming is fantastic, and the imagery here (butterscotch, broken pottery, and pills) is beautiful.

One thing I noticed while reading this is it appears so vague. Who is the "we", and why were you discarded? The stanzas are each short, and choppy, in a way, and only give us a bit of an idea of the big picture. The first verse hit me on a sour note merely because the first two lines seemed disconnected to the last two lines. I like the butterscotch imagery, but I don't see how it relates to what was said in the beginning.

The stanza on pills also made me a pause a minute solely because of this line: "but no it's never what it seems..." The pills, or everything in general? I'm assuming it's the latter one, but once more the lines seem a little disconnected.

You ended this well, with a solid closing. It's not "only me" but "always me", and that fact really resounds.

I'm going to agree with the reviewer below me that this did seem rather short, and I do think you could add in some details and such.

Hope this helps! ^-^

~rosette <3

(ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ Hello there! Berri here for a review!

Wow. These lyrics are great!! I love the way you rhyme and the way you said things like "...all the butterscotch that you could eat; still doesn’t seem very sweet; ... today, tomorrow, it’s all a blur..." something about those lines just feels so real to me. They're descriptive but not overly descriptive, you know what I mean?

I also like the way you said "...drowning; in your silence..." and I can relate to that statement a lot. When I have music around me and something cuts it off, the whole world seems like it's trying to drown me in its stillness. That may just be me though. ヾ(・ᆺ・✿)ﾉﾞ

So overall, great job!! These should totally be song lyrics, and I think you should expand this. Maybe add in a bridge? It just seems a bit short, unless that's what you were aiming for. ★~(◠‿◕✿)

But yeah! Never stop writing and farewell! ★⌒(●ゝω・)ｂ