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Into the Glass

by JosephGeorge



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16 Reviews


Points: 10
Reviews: 16

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Tue Feb 07, 2017 4:56 am
AngelBunnyroll wrote a review...



This was amazing and fun to read! I fell in love right of the bat with the formatting of it all, I love how the stanzas seem to jump around! I love how you used the familiar things from it and the imagery of cards makes me smile and laugh a little bit. It's a fun way of writing poetry in my opinion and I especially love how they shape out 3 pawns and I think a queen? anyway sorry this isn't a very helpful review, amazing poem!




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515 Reviews


Points: 25682
Reviews: 515

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Tue Jan 03, 2017 2:21 am
Tenyo wrote a review...



Duude, this is so weird. I love it!

It seems like everything has a purpose, and the interlocking themes are really satisfying to my spider-web brain.

The juxtaposition of very modern language used from the perspective of a character from old literature is interesting. I did stop and wonder what kind of person Alice would actually be if she was born in a different culture, and that's awesome. Normally I tend to dislike such casual hip-hop language in poetry but I think here you've found a great place for it.

Visually it's great. I had hoped there was more significance to the particular words in red, but by breaking the word 'ground' in half you've made it clear that there isn't, and to be honest I kind of like it. There's something a little bit rebellious about only changing the font colour of half of the word, and it fits with the theme. The shapes and the care you've taken to fit the words into them is quite intricate.

Overall I would say this is quite far from what would be considered as classically good literature, but it's modern and it's really interesting, and for that I love it.

Good work =] I look forward to reading more of your stuff.




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63 Reviews


Points: 298
Reviews: 63

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Sun Jan 01, 2017 4:05 am
amelie wrote a review...



I'm going to start with the looks and abouts first:
in the description you said you were experimenting a bit, and that is, of course, always good. but the thing about the formatting that threw me off a bit was why you chose to separate it into three hourglasses. and then there's a fourth shape that looks similar to an hourglass but more like a hand or something? im not entirely sure what to make of it.
and it's listed under poetry, which im not really sure about. it seems like more of a rap, or something more lyrical? i just didn't think it fit well under a poetic category because i feel like poetry is often more personal, and has more value and meaning to both reader and writer when it has an ounce of reality. it also says fanfiction/humor, so im assuming this isbg alice in wonderland or alice through the looking glass (which would explain the hourglasses.)
the meat of the "poem" though is where things got confusing for me, and i think that's because of the flow. and it isn't exactly the formatting/shapes entirely, i just wasn't sure how to fit two and two together sometimes.

it seems like your sick burns are a bit ill and weary-- they don't seem to be having much effect or reasoning behind them. it feels like characters were incorporated simply to make up for these disses, but they're a bit nonsense, like there's no actual reason behind them.
hopefully i was able to help:)

-amelie.




JosephGeorge says...


The shapes are chess pieces, 3 pawns and a "Queen" of hearts, as Kbug1997 saw and mentioned in her comment below. Sorry if that was confusing. One is blue because blue is good, and the Queen is red because so are hearts and so are the enemy.

I meant it as a sort of "rap," but still with just a whimsical feel about it. I sort of agree with the thought that it might not be real poetry, but I also struggled with letting it be poetry simply because of the artistic nature of things. It's not just a song.

The Alice part is correct, which I wanted to keep sort of low-key, that way the poem could be more applicable to other people than just one girl.

The poem is definitely in the "experiment" mode right now, as I just thought of it the other day and ripped out something fast. If you have the time, I'd love to hear what you think about individual lines and ideas inside the actually piece itself? Thanks for that review!



JosephGeorge says...


The shapes are chess pieces, 3 pawns and a "Queen" of hearts, as Kbug1997 saw and mentioned in her comment below. Sorry if that was confusing. One is blue because blue is good, and the Queen is red because so are hearts and so are the enemy.

I meant it as a sort of "rap," but still with just a whimsical feel about it. I sort of agree with the thought that it might not be real poetry, but I also struggled with letting it be poetry simply because of the artistic nature of things. It's not just a song.

The Alice part is correct, which I wanted to keep sort of low-key, that way the poem could be more applicable to other people than just one girl.

The poem is definitely in the "experiment" mode right now, as I just thought of it the other day and ripped out something fast. If you have the time, I'd love to hear what you think about individual lines and ideas inside the actually piece itself? Thanks for that review!



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25 Reviews


Points: 1985
Reviews: 25

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Sat Dec 31, 2016 8:39 pm
Kbug1997 wrote a review...



Hello,

I love your poem. The way you set up your poem is very different but it works. I see the pawn pieces following their queen ready for battle and such. Your flow is nice and it is relatable because it has almost everything in it; rage, love; anger; heartbreak; jealousy; desire. It captures the anger of watching the love of ones life in the hands of another, the desire to get them back, and the gathering of the troops preparing for the battle. I also see your other theme you have present which is the Alice in Wonderland. Both themes are done in a subtle way that dose not have one theme overpower the other. Well done!

Happy Writing!

-M.





A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing.
— Oscar Wilde