Young Writers Society

So hello yet again! Alright Joseph, here I am to get this poem out of the Green Room, on this lovely Review Day! I must warn you - this is definitely going to be a short review, but I will try to give some pointers on this. First off - thank you for the disclaimer on top; I was really thrown off by the format of this poem, but that little bit of information was definitely needed, which I'm guessing that you predicted, thus why you included it. I also really like the contrast between the disclaimer and the poem itself, how the poem was pushed all the way to the right-hand side. That's really cool! I wish you had included the syllable pattern as well, but I'm glad you at least talked about it below. I wasn't sure at first if there was a pattern, so thank you for the clarification!

Okay so I like this a lot. It's definitely way short, but this style seems really interesting, with the really unique way you can approach things. The language of this really fascinates me as well, but I'm definitely thrown off by "and voice" and "ere." Is "and" supposed to be "a" and is "ere" a shortened version of "there"? I just want to be sure on what I think I'm reading so I can be sure to try to interpret the meaning of such a short poem. Also, I thank you for the punctuation, but I think you could include a comma after "thousands" and "drum" to make it flow better, but it's definitely fine as it is!

All in all, I like this a lot. Your message is really up to interpretation which I appreciate, and it's definitely kind of needed since it's so short. Sometimes it's hard to throw an entire message on five lines, so I like having the ability to kind of choose what I think this is about. Overall, this is very impressive! I hope this review helped!

Hi Hikaru here with a review.

First off Id like to thank you for this Short-Short-Short poem witch is a really nice break from all the either kinda long stories i have to read and review or a poem that seems more like a chapter than a poem at some points so thanks.

Second, I've never seen a poem this short so i can connect that to what you said about the Cinquain style you mentioned in the beginning which i will personally say there should be more of, and the sudden switch to the right side kinda caught me off guard.

Third, you could add a little more to the poem in the teensiest by makimg about whos marching home, mostly likley in cases such as this its either Children after a long day or an actual army or group of soldiers coming home after a war which in my opinion a poem about children marching home gives you a much larger space to write in since they could be imagining things as they walk home.

Fourth, if this is part of the Cinquain style then just ignore this one but if its just five sentances you could stretch it out to 10 atleast if you swtch the poem to children marching home instead or you could make it about soldiers marching home after a war which can be turned into a more sureal poem about the their pain and what they saw in the war which might stretch it out longer then the children idea.

Fifth and final, you could smack two and two together and make a super long poem (again ignore if thats what style Cinquain is.) You could write it so the children imagine their soldiers walking from a war in the first part of the poem, or you could compare Soldiers from a long war coming home and jokingly comparing it to children coming home after a long day of playing or remembering how hoe used to come home when he was a child and then finish it from there.