Bleak and black it lay against the morning sky,
a printing of death,
on the tired,
is already
to come in
the high valley
of this soul’s
rest. And songs
left unsung
will find
epitaph,
and marker,
a friendly
enemy.
Where love
is to be of concern,
there is only this calling
that came in the breath of a restful night, where men
and angels reap together, and all glory and honor fades.
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137,849 Literary Works • 672,067 Reviews
Hey there again! I will try to help you out on this lovely Review Day and get this awesome poem out of the Green Room, so here it goes! Warning: this is probably going to read as me knowing absolutely nothing about poetry and all that, but I will try - for you XD. Alright to start off, the way that you formatted this is absolutely brilliant and I love it so much! And this really makes me think of Hunger Games, so there's that. I'm appreciative of the fact that you included punctuation and capitalization in this poem, since stuff like that always gets me even when I'm trying to not just be super nitpicky. I think though that you included a couple more commas than you actually need, such as the one in "printing of death," since the next line is "on" thus that comma doesn't fit in the sentence. And I think you need a comma after "bleak and black" but you don't have to change it. XD it just seems like it to me.
This poem is really beautiful and I love all of the imagery you packed in this. I also like how you tied the whole "death" thing with how you actually formatted the poem itself, in the shape of a "hanging tree" so definite kudos on that note. The only line I read as rather awkward is "epitaph, and marker," since I'm confused at what you mean by this. Maybe it's just a typo or something but that part threw me off. I'm a big sucker for anything that reminds me of Hunger Games, especially anything with death in it, so yeah good job just for that. In all actuality, I really like this. It's short, but how you formatted it makes it seem so much longer, which is definitely a good thing, at least on my book. Ah! I don't know anything else to say! I'm sorry this is so short! I hope this helped in some way!
I really really love your style with this. The flow, rhyming, wording are in a word: fantastic. I can hear you saying this from deep inside, like writing your innermost thoughts in a diary or something. One thing that was kind of funny as I read it was that I didn't hear it in my voice. I always read in my head with my voice, but I heard someone else's that time. I don't know why that was so, but I think that's a good thing.
Hello,
The way you have your poem set up I think takes away from your flow due to the readers eyes have to go all over the place as well as its a bit distracting and takes away from the poem. Now the poem itself is pretty good. I got a Hunger Games meets Romeo and Juliet feel and your word choice is great for what you want to convey. Honestly the biggest problem I have is how you have set up you poem.
Happy Writing.
-M.
Thanks for the review Kbug1997! Good to hear from you. In regards to your comment on the formatting, I realize that it's true some might have trouble reading it because of the way it's set up, but it's a statement of art, and I meant it to be that way. If I took it out, then the poem wouldn't be this poem anymore, it would just be another one. It's like those random paintings at the museum that you have to turn your head sideways and squint a little while you imagine what the artist was attempting to portray.
May I ask, what shape am I suppose to be seeing? Thanks! And Merry Christmas!
Wait, are the words a, on, is, to, the, of, rest the rope that hangs from the tree, which are the words to the right of the screen?
Yah. I wanted it to look like a gallows, but with a tree trunk for the main beam going up.