Majesty.
Lucid endearments of the soul.
To thee I wast come
‘Or the glades of fallen winter.
(But hardly a rush, twas on muted
And refuted cleft thy wanderings did go.)
-
E’r divination or dream,
Betwixt thine those branches
Of whited stone
Was to win mine soul.
Then entering in at the green gate,
Till waited for thy breast.
-
Fell,
And fen of thy mother’s waxen womb,
Shall not stand between thou and I,
Twas in dream,
Or nightmare,
Fared the worst when of thee,
I can’st not find.
-
Lost.
Tho wander I shall
For this ghost of my own
Returns into the mist.
But bear up, mine eyes,
Try, for quest and path doth await thee.
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139,801 Literary Works • 672,771 Reviews
Hey! I really really love this. It's something that you would read from Shakespeare; it's got that Old English twist to it, which you've used almost perfectly.
Like the previous comments have depicted, you have great imagery here, we can paint a good picture of what's happenign and the meaning of the poem.
One thing, the title, I understand has a correlation to the text, but nowhere in your writing have you shown this. It is a bit misleading.
For 3/4 of the stanzas, you've started them with a word, like Lost, Fell, and Majesty. It seems like the 2nd stanza is a little bit out of place not having one word at the top of it. Maybe add a word to this to make it more like the others.
This really shows how intelligent you are of the Old English language and phrases, it's so beautiful and yet is different to the typical poem. Very deep too.
I guess I can say that about 75% of this didn't make sense to me, but I'm sure you can understand why.
With the 25% of what I could read, it was amazing.
- Tiana : )
Thanks for that review, @dystopianmonkey01 ! Great to hear some feedback.
I completely agree with the one word starting the stanzas. I hadn't recognized that before, but it's poetry, and so should flow, unless I specifically make it different in that one place, but then we need to know why.
As for the title not having any place in the poem, I wanted to keep with the elusive nature of the poem, and of the legend of the White Stag. You would see it, for a moment, and then never find it again. No one's ever slayed it, so I figure it was a fitting style.
Hey this is Spartan 118 here to leave an awesome review so grab your drink and relax.
First off I'm gonna start with nice work with the old English really nice to see that and I haven't read anything like this in a long time. Ok so your poem has great imagery and the ending was perfect in my opinion. A few details left me baffled but that's probably cause I read this quickly so I'm pointing them out. I can say you did an excellent work with the punctuation and grammar so yea. I would love to read more of your work in the future and I hope to see something even better than this from you in the future so keep up the good work.
This is Spartan 118 signing off and I hope you have a lovely day, evening, morning, or night. Keep up the good work and don't give up.
I like the imagery a lot. Nice.