Young Writers Society

This is Kaos here for a review!

So I liked the structure of the poem in that it looked pretty, but I also wouldn't mind if you scaled the poem up with more lines but the same shape if you wanted to make the poem longer in a sense or if you wanted to expand, because it does feel a little short at points. It works either way and I'm just throwing that suggestion out there before I jump into anything. We see that the first half or the first stanza is something of a before of what has happened. I didn't really get the feeling of the title from this as it does have Autumn lips.

I would have liked to see more imagery and description of Spring itself but it seems that the before takes place in Autumn or that's when it's being written and then the second stanza is afterwards or the aftermath of Winter hitting. I would have liked to see more sensory details about the actual seasons rather than using things like corruption to display this. Only in the last line do we get to know that Winter has seemingly come. I did want to mention that I liked the title for using "falling out" because that was something that I thought was clever whether you did that on purpose or not. I didn't really get the feeling or tone of the seasons and that's something that I would have liked to see.

We skip over Summer in the poem which is something that I didn't really like because I think that this can also fit as a poem with four stanzas, perhaps one for each season or two for two seasons. It feels rather short and fragmented at the moment and the reader doesn't get to feel the cycle of the seasons as much as they do everything else. I wanted to touch on the wording in some places like the last line or the first stanza or the second to last line of the last stanza and that both could use some reworking for better flow.

I hope I helped and have a great day!

Hey there! I'm here yet again to review something of yours, and get it out of the Green Room on this lovely Review Day! Sorry in advance if this review is really short, because usually I'm awful at reviewing poems - they're mostly either just praise or nitpicks, so I think you're getting one weird combination of that! Alright I see that you've just capitalied every line but you added in punctuation, which I am ever so grateful for, thank you dearly. I will say one thing though - I think you should switch a few of your periods with commas, such as "but of your own bidding." since I don't think this is a stand-alone line, and also I think you don't need the comma in "searing away," as this makes the reading of the poem a little awkward, because the reader can be thrown off since that comma breaks up two lines that are obviously connected.

I love all of the imagery in this so much, and I would live to know how you thought of this format since it's absolutely amazing! This poem flows really well from line to line as your eyes just seem drawn to continue reading along - or at lest it did to me. This seems really bittersweet, or at least I think it seems to be, so kudos on the overall message of the poem. You approached this idea of lost love so brilliantly and I'm so impressed! I'm alas sorry but I don't what else to say! Great job! I hope this helped!

This is Spartan 118 here for an amazing review and I hope you like it so keep calm relax and grab your drink and read this to brighten up your mood.
So first off I got to say the title is good click bait cause it honestly makes you want to know what happened and I like that. So this poem really hit a few chords with me cause I know how this feels and yet I hope everything is ok with how you're feeling right now. I got to say this poem put me in a really depressed state of mind after I read it and you truly put all your emotions into this. That's all I have to say cause if I keep going I'm going to put myself in a real bad mood.
Keep up the good work.