Young Writers Society

Happy RevMo!! Plume here, with a review! I noticed your poems have been in the green room for quite a bit, so I figured I'd bump 'em out!!

Since you've got multiple works within this one, I figured I'd unpack them one by one. Here goes!

The Nomad

I quite liked all the description in this one! I think the flow of it was also really nice; the places where you put line breaks and such were perfect and served the piece rather than interrupted it. One of the lines that was striking to me was the simplistic but yet so beautiful "They are Happy. They are Alive." I think that there was a certain tone to those lines that seemed to say that those are really the only two things you need, and it was quite inspiring. I really enjoyed this work!!

A couple things, though: I think "dawning" in your second line should actually be "donning." And in your fourth and fifth lines where you list items, I think that some form of punctuation would be good there, especially since you use punctuation at other places in your poem. In terms of the fourth line, I think commas would work best, but since you repeat the subject in line five, I think that periods would be better there.

Classic Story

I thought this one presented a very interesting narrative. One thing I really enjoyed was how it ended with a question, and a poignant one at that. It really did make me think about it. One thing I did have trouble with understanding was how exactly the narrative flowed. I feel like I might have needed more context. It seemed like the "she" within the dialogue section was the same person who was the "I" at the end, but I wasn't sure who the listening was supposed to refer to. I feel like some clarification might be necessary. But still, great ending!!

Sandbox

Again, lovely imagery in this one. There were definitely a lot of gorgeous celestial references in it, and the juxtaposition with the content against the title was definitely very great. The meshing of several parts of nature served to really elevate this poem into something ethereal and light. It felt like a celebration of the world.

The Mime

This one might have been simple at first sight to me, but I feel like for this, there's probably a deeper meaning. Mimes always have to pretend and they can't talk, and when combined with the fact in your poem that they can't feel happy, Mimes, to me, seem to be people who have trouble vocalizing their emotions or pretend they're doing okay, even when they really aren't. They believe that they have to serve others, and they enjoy making others happy, even when it comes at the expense of their own emotional health. I might've read too much into that, but ah well. That's just my interpretation of it!!

Realization

I enjoyed this poem as well!! It definitely conveys a very important message. I also liked the vagueness of the title; readers aren't necessarily sure what to expect, but they come to the realization as the poem does. One thing I did wonder about was the addition of "-A Clown" at the end; I feel like that almost invalidates the thoughts provided in the poem. To me, a clown is usually synonymous with a foolish person, and I was curious about that choice.

One thing I do want to point out though was your capitalization of "do." I think if you wanted to emphasize it, putting the entire poem out of italics and then just using italics would be a more correct way to do it. To me, using capital letters to emphasize something doesn't really have the desired effect.

Overall: nice work! These poems were all unique and special in their own little way, and I hope to read more of your work in the future! Until next time!

Hi there JohnKlue!

This is an interesting work. From what I understand, parables are usually stories with some allegorical meaning about life and society, and in this case the stories are being conveyed through free verse poetry.

I thought the poetic aspect made some of the parables seem more lyrical than narrative. For instance, ‘The Nomad’ and ‘Sandbox’ dedicate a lot of words to descriptions, which then convey how I think the reader is meant to understand the poem. The Nomad is described positively, and so the reader understands that it is good to be like to nomad.

Subject, Themes, Narrative

I don’t really see an overarching theme connecting all these parables together, so I’m assuming that they’re each a separate work of their own. They might fit into a very general and broad category of ‘life’, though. I interpreted ‘The Nomad’ as being about a live-in-the-moment way of living, ‘Classic Story’ is about troubled parentage and maybe saying it’s unreasonable to listen to someone who doesn’t like you. ‘Sandbox’, though it takes place in a desert like ‘The Nomad’ seems more about freedom and the natural beauty of the place. Meanwhile, ‘The Mime’ and ‘Realization’ seem to be portraits of specific figures or archetypes of people in society.

When reading ‘The Mime’, I was puzzled as to why it is difficult for a mime to be happy. It’s not really explained in the two lines of the parable, so I felt as though something was missing for me to comprehend it. Maybe an image in one of the lines or a third line might have helped set the context.

The most satisfying narratives I thought were the ones in ‘The Nomad’ and ‘Classic Story’. I thought these had the most ‘complete’ messages, which is what I’d expect from a parable. “They are quiet and content.” is a nice finishing line that gives a sense of closure, and the title also synchronises nicely with the verse. Meanwhile, ‘Classic Story’ is structured around a twist. It wasn’t entirely clear to me at first when the point of view had changed, but once I realised it, I found this one really interesting.

Listening
Why do you listen to people who hate you?
Is it so you may Hate them back?