By John Klue
The desert was calm. Having become quiet.
Footmen fled the grounds in shame or celebration.
But one man remained. One man was still silent.
A General stayed among the dead and dying. Waiting, as if he intended to go down with this mesa. He watching what was alive leave us. Men of any uniform would sink into the sand, And the General saw it all.
El General stood alone alongside himself. He was silent. He was still.
A man among his work.
The wind whistled and echoed across the mesa and made men ashamed to be men, as if the father was scolding his sons.
Harsh words that were yet warranted.
The General listened to the wind and waited for it to become word.
Once the words left our wasteland a new song stole attention.
The General wished this song away, but it could only stay with him.
Beside our General was a man in white. Young in form with and old mans eyes.
The spirit spake to our General and simply said.
“Hola”
“NO” The general cried out “Why must you speak to me? Doth thou expect me to see you as true?”
“I was true once. At one moment in time. Do you recall? When I was real? Do you recall that moment when you knew me?”
“I may recall a moment. Yet I know not when it was.”
“It was many years ago. Before everything else. Before you become yourself. Back when we two were young. We would behave like brothers.”
“We knew no better back then.”
“Is it better now?”
“Begone ghost. Por favor, haunt me no longer?”
“Have I haunted you?”
“YOU—”
The General turned and saw no one beside him. The General hung his head down. After all he had nothing but the sky.
The General stood alone alongside himself. He was silent. He was still.
Among our work, We are alone.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
hi john i im here to drop off a review hope you enjoy
lets get started John
First off John this poem was relaxing and giving cool vibes or whatever but you made such a good amazing poem this was a beautiful piece of poem and you wanna know what was my favorite part in the poem The General listened to the wind and waited for it to become word.
Once the words left our wasteland a new song stole attention.
The General wished this song away, but it could only stay with him.
Beside our General was a man in white. Young in form with and old mans eyes.
The spirit spake to our General and simply said. John this was a cool vibe poem John
my compliment John to your poem is that just keep doing better on poetry and just keep focusing doing your own work John cause what i im looking at is the man doing this and that John
John how you can improve is don't put by you cause the people they already looking at your poem and they know its by you cause they reading your poem that you put the effort in it John so i im just telling you cause they know its by you
Keep writing!!!
~Jay~
Good piece I enjoyed even though I didn't understand it haha. I would have to take more time and read over it for me to fully understand the meaning of everything. One of my favorite parts was,
"A man among his work.
The wind whistled and echoed across the mesa and made men ashamed to be men, as if the father was scolding his sons.
Harsh words that were yet warranted.
The General listened to the wind and waited for it to become word.
Once the words left our wasteland a new song stole attention.
The General wished this song away, but it could only stay with him.
Beside our General was a man in white. Young in form with and old mans eyes."
You can really visualize this part and feel it through your choice of words.