The NETWORK.

by JohnKlue

The NETWORK

============================================================================

The NETWORK is an incredible thing

It is a source of seemingly endless entertainment created by none other than your fellow man.

A place where anyone can share their vision with the world and everyone is welcome.

Granted, there are some guidelines to insure that this wonderful space stays wonderful.

But you need not worry our skilled and specially trained Managementalists are on the case and will keep our valued viewers happy by keeping our valued entertainers in check.

However, if you are still worried, don’t worry. If you have a problem, feel free to send us a digital message explaining your concerns and we will respond to them.

Because here at the NETWORK we want to do our darnedest to make everyone happy be they

an Audience-member, Entertainer or, Managementalist.

Because it is just like our founder and CEO always says

“the NETWORK is a place of People”

Written by John Klue.

============================================================================

MaXx

Maxx is an audience member. They work at a factory from 6:30—16:00.

On their furlough Maxx spends time on the NETWORK.

Maxx likes the NETWORK because all of her Friends are on the NETWORK because Maxx met all his Friends on the NETWORK.

The NETWORK is a good place to make Friends. All of MaXx’s Friends were found on the NETWORK. Now they all know each others Biographical-Information.

Maxx and Maxx’s Friends have not met I.P. but they do not have to because they meet one another on the NETWORK and spend more time on the NETWORK than off the NETWORK.

There is far more to do on the NETWORK than off the NETWORK.

Maxx is fine only knowing their Friends on the NETWORK.

Maxx has all their Friends Biographical-Information so if any Friends hurt them Maxx can use the Biographical-Information to hurt them back.

What are Friends for?

Friends are people you Digitally message about the Entertainers. Friends are people you agree with.

Unfriends are people you disagree with.

Maxx Hates their Unfriends, Maxx likes to tell the Unfriends they Hate them. The Unfriends sometimes tell Maxx they Hate them too.

Occasionally the Unfriends pretend to be sad when Maxx tells them They Hate them. Maxx is smart though and knows They do not hurt any people, and besides the Unfriends are ungood people who deserve hurt, and Hate is all over the NETWORK so if they are hurt it is on them, they could always not be on the NETWORK and do something meaningful because Maxx’s Unfriends have never done anything meaningful on the NETWORK and they do not need the NETWORK. The NETWORK dose not need them. Nobody needs them. So if they are sad Maxx is unResponsible.

Maxx does not know them .I.P.

Maxx knows they are ungood people.

The NETWORK is lucky to have Maxx.

The NETWORK is nothing without Maxx.

And Maxx Knows This.

============================================================================

KaMa.

Kama is a Woman who works at the NETWORK HQ. Kama is a Woman who works as a Managementalist. She is tasked with keeping order on the NETWORK. She seeks out people on the NETWORK who are not doing good and then erases them from the NETWORK.

Kama is a Woman who acts as Judge jury and Executioner of Ungood entertainers. Kama is a Woman who works very hard, she has reasons to erase more entertainers than any of her coworkers. KaMa is a Woman who works as a Managementalist she rarely sees her coworkers but she has met 2 Men who also claim to be Managementalists.

KAma has spent very little time with her coworkers But she knows they do not work as hard as She does. KaMa’s coworkers rarely find fault with the entertainers. The coworkers grant far too much grace and allow entertainers to imply inappropriate imagery. KAMAs coworkers grant too much grace to the entertainers, just as the higher up grant too much grace to the coworkers. KamA carries the company where others slack off.

KAMA erases the unbecoming entertainers.

KAMA erases the juvenile entertainers.

KAMA erases entertainers who lie.

Lie about the NETWORK.

Lie about the Work Kama does. The entertainers and audience think Kamas job could be done by a Program. The audience is ignorant. The entertainers are ungrateful. Ungrateful and spoiled. The NETWORK is not run by a program, the NETWORK could not be conducted by an Algorithm. It is all KaMA and KAMAs work Kama works harder than anyone else at the NETWORK, and yet she has never heard from the Higher ups. The Higher ups have not recognized Kama any more than her coworkers.

The Higher ups must favor the coworkers of Kama instead of Kama herself. Kama deserves favor for her Dedication. For you see, the network is lucky to have KAMA.

and she knows it.

============================================================================

StevEN

The man was awake whether he wants to be or not. Steven forced himself to fall out of bed because he had to Work.

Work did not demand Steve shower shave or smile, but it did require his absolute attention.

Steven was an Entertainer who analyzes the Entertainment produced by others.

He views a single piece of Entertainment multiple times than he gathers his thoughts then he does further research.

Then he must write a script.

Then he must record audio.

Then he must animate his avatar reacting to the entertainment in question.

Then he must edit his own entertainment.

Then he must add jokes to his analysis so it may be more entertaining, because Steve is not enough to entertain.

Steve often fears his content lacks quality. Other Entertainers have accused Steve of having low quality. The Audience sometimes accuses Steve of no longer being entertaining. If Steve were entertaining why would the NETWORK threaten to Erase him. Many entertainers who Steve knew as friends were Erased,Why?But Steve is still here.Why? Steve is not special. The NETWORK does not need Steve. The Audience may be Entertained by someone more deserving. Steve is not needed. Steve is lucky to have the NETWORK. Without the NETWORK Steve would be nothing and not even know it. Steve is lucky to have the Audience. Without the Audience Steve would not matter and not even know it. Steve does not deserve his lot and he knows it, Thank you for the reminder.

Then Steve must upload the entertainment to the NETWORK, is it good? It might be Ungood. Steve may be Ungood.

Steve must still work.

Steve must pursue your Happiness, so you do not need to.

Steve could be Erased. The NETWORK could deny him his rations.

But Steve has no time to worry.

Steve must return to work.

Steve must still pursue our happiness.

Because that is what Steve should Do.

============================================================================

The Innominate Nation

We are The Innominate nation

we have been ignored by Electorate communiqué

we have been slandered by UNelectorate communiqué.

However if you are reading this that means you are not like the others.

You want to know the truth.

The Innominate nation is not a Fairy story nor a Glitch-whisper,

we are not petty terrorist cell or a Civil revolt.

We are a nation of individuals pursing an ideology.

The ideology that this ~~network~~ once lived by.

CRYPTO-SOC

The pen is mightier than the sword.What is a soldier without the word of a general to command them?

Words Writing Typing ~~Talk~~.

The pen encourages Panic

The Writer starts Riots

The text typed out by a nobody can influence millions.

Yet the Officeholders omit authority from this NETWORK.

Omission of authority from what can/has raped millions.

Why?

Because

Omission of authority is Omission of Responsibility.

The officeholders claim their hands are tied so they need never get them dirty!

"But what about the others?"

The Managementalists, The Crypto-Caps, The people of Utoplex?

They are no better.

Managementalists credit themselves the Gods of this Hedonistic circus.

But why should gods let their monsters roam free?

Why should gods erase innocent individuals?

Why must gods act bureaucratic?

“Because thats just the way things are”

The Network has embezzled from us our Information, Identities, our Everything and in exchange what have they given us?

“Entertainment”

Delightful distractions produced by their Pets.

Whilst they pick our pockets clean.

The Network has stolen so much from us, but now we may steal from them.

That is the Innominate nation.

Salvation from sadness.

Extermination of Elite-Entertainers.

Advocation of Equal-Importance.

The true voice of the People.

============================================================================

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Mon Jun 21, 2021 7:40 pm

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BEASTtheHUN wrote a review...

I like this artsy way you wrote it. But I am confused by some things is Maxx the same MaXx. I think you should clear that up. The idea is good, like novel good. I think this would make a nice novel, personally speaking. The flow is a little choppy, but I think you meant it to be that way. Again you have a really nice idea here. i think you should consider making this a novel. Thanks for the update about your short story. I love a good short story, and yours was intriguing. Well, until next time!

JohnKlue says...

MaXx is Maxx.

the characters used to have more normal names so the inconsistent caps were a way to defamiliarize them.

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Sat Jun 05, 2021 9:06 am

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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...

Hi JohnKlue,

Mailice here with a short review!

First off, you've piqued my interest with this introduction, and I have a feeling that the network you describe here could be a kind of new 1984 by Orwell. You create a very absorbing story with a great insight that sent a cold shiver down my spine towards the end.

Some points that struck me while reading:

Managementalists

A very great portmonteau of management and mentalists! I like it a lot.

Maxx is an audience member they work at a factory from 6:30-16:00.

There should be a comma after "audience member".
I don't know if that's intentional in the "chapter" MaXx, but every now and then you write MaXx as Maxx or MaxX and I think you should try to focus on one spelling, otherwise it looks a bit unprofessional. I also noticed that you occasionally use capitalisation, which is not necessary at this point.

However, I like the structure you set up and how the text is laid out. I thought at the beginning that it would read badly, but it didn't. I like your idea behind it and also the way it's laid out. I like your idea behind it and also how it makes some parts seem like they are repeating themselves, or like someone else is telling the story, or has an objection. It works well for the flow of the reading and makes you feel like something is wrong and something is causing conflict.

Kama is a Women who

Kama is a woman who

and she know it.

This is an interesting conclusion for this section of the story.

What I already suspected in the previous section is increasingly confirmed here. This whole network is dubious and controls too much the thoughts of the users. I don't know why, but I read the Kama chapter more or less in a robotic voice. You manage to give the reader valuable information here, and also to give it for a better understanding.
Furthermore, I notice especially here in the section that there are some places where you could insert a comma. Also, here again I had the impression that capitalisation does not appear everywhere as it should. I thought it was part of the stylistic writing here, but I would leave that out, in my opinion, should that be the case. This gives the reader more of an impression that there is something wrong here, which was very well represented by the text alone.

Then he must write a script.
Then he must record audio.
Then he must animate his avatar reacting to the entertainment in question.
Then he must edit his own entertainment.
Then he must add jokes to his analysis so it may be more entertaining, because Steve is not enough to entertain.

That sounds like the kind of monotony I'd expect in a factory on an assembly line. Good description here, as it feels like Steven never gets a break.
It might be Ungood.
Great neologism.

You create a very intriguing dystopian story with this one, which I like. Just the narration seems like it's from a manual with examples to describe to new members what happens when something happens that is not good.

I could relate this to modern life and society today where once you make a mistake you go down and are replaced. Also, your short story talks about AI completely taking over humans and the control that comes with it, completely manipulating people. I like how at the beginning it felt like this network was a new way of communicating like facebook, but it's more of a cruel fight for survival that you portray here.

Apart from some contextual things, like the capitalisation, there was nothing that I think needs to be changed. In particular, I really like your set-up and structure and it gives this whole text a very interesting and subliminally insidious reason not to trust this network.

A strange and yet narratively good story!

Have fun writing!

Mailice.

JohnKlue says...

thank you for all your input
your feedback is a gift.

I have read 1984 it showed the social and political issues of the early 20th century taken to a whole new terrible level.

I intended to do something similar with THE NETWORK.
showing the culture of the early 21st century in a new terrible way.

I am shall note that some of my spelling errors are not intentional.
though some are meant to contribute to the narrative.
The inconsistent capitalization of the NaMes is due to the fact that in the first draft the characters Maxx and Kama had more normal every day names
so I used the inconsistent caps as a way to defamiliarize them.

Im glad you liked it.

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winterwolf0100 wrote a review...

Wow! So first off, what a unique and powerful idea you've stumbled upon and created! I've never read anything like this, and the format is absolutely spectacular! Everything feels like it's there for a reason, which I appreciate, and I absolutely loved the themes behind the piece as a whole!

Alrighty, now on to the review part of the review: I'm going to start with the literal lines, and then I'll work my way through my different thoughts on things and likely touch on the themes last.

So the first thing I noticed is that there are a few typos and grammatical issues. This is nothing that running this through Grammarly wouldn't fix; it'll recommend changing some sentence structures, but you don't have to touch any of that. The main reason is that there are a few times when you use "their" instead of "they're" or vice versa, and things along that line. They're really not a big deal, but with those things out of the way, the reader will be less distracted and able to focus more on the actual story you're telling!

Structure:

The structure of the piece as a whole is amazing. I love that you divided things up into small chunks and they all tell a different side of the same story while at the same time telling their own stories. The choice of italics in certain places and the back and forth of certain lines from the left to the right side is masterful and really feels like it adds a personal touch to each section. For MaXx, it feels like it makes sense that theirs would be going back and forth. They're a regular citizen on the NETWORK, and their opinions likely go back and forth a lot on different entertainers and their beliefs. For StevEN, going back and forth also feels strong because all his doubts are on the right side and all his ideas of the NETWORK are on the left side. I don't know if you purposely made his doubts on the "right" side and his ideas of the NETWORK on the "wrong" side but even if you didn't, I picked up on that and absolutely loved it!

First section:

My first thought is that I feel like someone is trying to sell me the NETWORK: they're trying to get me to buy into it and start spending my time on it. It's brilliantly written! I do have a few notes on certain parts that I'll briefly mention below:

Granted their are some guidelines to ensure that this wonderful place stays wonderful.

The only thing I'd say on this is that there should probably be a comma after granted, and the correct version would be "there", not "their".

But you need not worry our skilled and specially trained Managementalists are on the case and will keep our valued viewers happy by keeping our valued entertainers in check.

I would suggest changing this to something like "But you need not worry-- our skilled and specially trained..." just because there should be a small pause in there to make it feel like a genuine advertisement. I do love the parallelism between "valued viewers" and "valued entertainers".

However, if you are still worried, don’t worry.

This repeats the word worry, so I would suggest revising this as "However, if you are still worried, don't be!" or "However, if you are still hesitant, don't worry!"

Because here at the NETWORK

YES. I feel like I'm watching an actual advertisement in written form. Beautiful. The huge quote with the block letters is also a really nice touch.

Second Section:

This is definitely written in a different style than the first section and represents a transition in what you're talking about, who you're talking about, and how you're telling the story. It looks great overall! There were a few confusing moments where in the title, the name is spelled "MaXx" but the capitalization varied in the actual piece. You also switched pronouns a few times, where you referred to them as "her" and "him" in reference to their friends. You also used they/them pronouns for them, which leaves them more gender-neutral. I like that if that's what you were going for! You'd just need to change the "her" and "him" to "their" and "them" to make it consistent. Okie-dokie, so some more specific notes:

Maxx is an audience member they work at a factory from 6:30—16:00.

This isn't grammatically correct and is a run-on sentence, which is why I included it. It didn't really seem to fit with the piece, but if that's what you're going for then by all means you should keep it! I would recommend a period after "member" so it read "Maxx is an audience member. They work at a factory from 6:30--16:00." Or a semi-colon (;) in the same place if you preferred that.

MaxX likes the NETWORK because all of her Friends are on the NETWORK because Maxx met all his Friends on the NETWORK.

This just repeats the same idea within itself which is why I was confused about it. You say "because all of her Friends are on the NETWORK" and immediately follow it with "because Maxx met all of his Friends on the NETWORK." I wasn't sure if this was a typo, but if it wasn't, then there should be a period in-between those two sentences so it makes it clear it wasn't a typo.

All of MaXx’s Friends were found on the NETWORK now they all know each others Biographical-Information.

Again, this is another run-on sentence where it might just read better if there were a period after NETWORK.

[quotes]Friends are people you agree with.
Unfriends are people you disagree with.[/quote]

The contrast of having this switch sides is brilliant. It really feels like you can feel the hate at the Unfriends pouring out. Your choice to use the word "Unfriends" is also interesting and specific. I like it!

Third Section:

This section in general feels much more stern and rigid than the others, which I found interesting given KaMa's personality! It does also do the thing where you capitalize the M in certain parts and don't in others, so I'm not sure if that was a mistake or not? So specifics:

Judge jury Prosecutor and Executioner

This phrase is usually "Judge, Jury, and Executioner." Prosecutor is not usually in the mix. If you were going for the original phrase, then you could take Prosecutor out. if you were looking to include that on purpose, then you could keep it in.

For you see the network is lucky to have KAMA.
And she knows it.

This line is absolutely brilliant! I got chills just reading it. I would suggest adding a comma after 'see' so it reads "For you see, the NETWORK is lucky to have KaMa." Other than that, it's amazing!

Fourth Section:

Really, I don't have much feedback on this section! It's very interesting, and I love the choice of emboldening his doubts to make them more obvious!

Only thing I'd include is that "The NETWORK could deny him his rations" is the creepiest line in the entire story and definitely hints at the darker parts of the NETWORK.

Themes:

So the themes of the darkness of the internet are clearly the strong pusher of this piece. Everything about it screams that the internet has a darker side, and that getting too comfortable and reliable on it will hurt everyone. It is definitely written in a smart way though that builds up the anticipation and slow fear towards the NETWORK in the reader as it keeps going. It really is quite a creepy idea and the way you've written it is so masterful! Certain people feeling like they are needed by the NETWORK and others feeling like they aren't was also very interesting, because it was a viewer who thought they were needed, an entertainer who knew they weren't, and a person who limits and restricts content that felt they weren't getting recognized for what they deserve.

The social aspect of the story was interesting as well, with people thinking they never needed to meet in person, and that you could only be friends with people you agree with because that's the kind of hostile environment the internet sometimes creates.

Overall, this is an absolutely brilliant piece of writing that I loved reading! As with all authors that I review, you're always welcome to message me so we can discuss your piece more, writing in general, or just life! I hope this was helpful! Have a great day, and stay safe!

~Winter

JohnKlue says...

Thank you for the feedback.
I will implement your suggestion as I see fit.
but just so you know the line
:"If you are still worried don't worry"
says more about the NETWORK than my grammar skill.

Im glad you enjoyed it thanks.
tell your friends, pls.

winterwolf0100 says...

Of course! And oh, I hope it didn%u2019t come across as me criticizing your grammar skill! I was more suggesting than anything!

Young Writers Society

The NETWORK.

The NETWORK

“the NETWORK is a place of People”

============================================================================

MaXx

============================================================================

KaMa.

============================================================================

StevEN

The Innominate Nation

CRYPTO-SOC

The true voice of the People.

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