Three women and a blank page

I've often felt like this! I feel as though everyone around me is not doing something worthwhile with their lives but when I sit down and decide I won't be like that the words just won't come - it's a catastrophe! But at least you managed to get a poem out of the situation, as many great poets do. Congrats!

A couple suggestions:

1) It seems as if I've been saying this a lot today, but once more won't hurt anything. Try to use correct punctuation and grammar. While, in poetry, those rules don't always apply (because we're just awesome like that), it's just a good habit to get into.

2) I really like the way you resolve each stanza, bringing that "blank" theme back around. Especially the second and third stanza, where the sister's eyes are blank and your page is blank. They're both artistic in their simplicity, in my opinion. Love it.

I don't really have anything else to say for now. If I think of something I'll come back. Sorry for such a short review - quite tired. Anyway. Overall, good work. I like this a lot.

OK so "others" should have an apostrophe because it's possessive.

Everything else was brilliant! This poem is just phenomenal. The flow, repetition, structure, etc. Just really pulled me in and connected me to the characters and world you described. Great job!

I like this poem. I can sort of hear the rhythm to it in my head and those are the best.

Oh, This was a really good poem. Allthough, as a few others mentioned it would be even better if you, well, expanded it even more. maybe using more descriptive words... and also, the rythm was a bit broken... but overall. I really liked this! Keep on writing!

I love it. It's short, it's sweet and very effective description. I can imagine the setting clearly.
Well done.

Actually that line was meant to be two but it went wrong when I copied and pasted. Sorry i can't fix it without messing up the structure of all the other lines.

i just wanted to say that i am really impressed by the fact that you were able to take such a long line:

"staring into a dirty concrete wall, she stalls wondering what happened to her life"

that normally i would feel was TOO long, but you made it work.
i could see myself in your description your sister. haha!

so good job and keep it up.

I really enjoyed this poem. I love how you repeated the last line in each stanza (blank eyes, blank page). I loved how you described the sister's eyes and what she was doing and how the third stanza was a little different than the first two. The only suggestion I can give is to maybe expand the first stanza a little bit and give more detail. Other than that, this poem was great.
-Hope

Ooh, I love this!


My mother stands there
washing the dishes under running water
staring into a dirty concrete wall, she stalls, wondering what happened to her life
but her eyes are blank

My sister sits there
Bathed in the glow of a computer screen
Staring into snapshots of an others life, she types
‘Oh my god you look so hot in that dress’
but her eyes are blank I like how you repeated this in the end of both stanzas.

I sit here
Note book in hand my pen by my side
Staring down into the dark black abyss, it’s this
that makes me dream of writing a poem
but my page is blank Again, love the repeating. Blank eyes, blank page. It flows very nicely.

Very moving. Now I feel slightly guilty about staring blankly at my computer screen
Happy Review Day!
Sierra

I really like this! Especially the second stanza, and what the sister says and how she looks while she's doing it. One thing I would say is that when you open with "My mother stands there", it makes me want to say "where?" because I don't know where the "there" is that you're talking about, so I think it would sound better if you took that word out. I liked how you said "abyss, it’s this", it just sounds really nice. Good job.

I really really like this! I like the dramatic irony you used at the end of each stanza. And I like how it's short and sweet, I'll admit that if a poem is too long, I'll get lazy. Maybe it's cause I'm no poet. And don't worry, we all get writers block! I hope you find your muse. Keep on writing! I think you have talent!
-Ruth

Hi I think the idea behind the poem is good however I am sure you can expand these sentences so much more. The way you split the stanzas is good in that you are describing three different moods. From what you wrote I can imagine you three being in the same room, each one doing her own thing and it's probably raining outside or is late afternoon, I am guessing is a Sunday :p. You could definitely add details to the poem and it'll definitely be more interesting

I get it! Yeah! Ok, it's not bad, I like it. It reminds me of some of my friends' families, always pretending who they're not. They pretend to be happy but they're not. I guess I could say I'm the same.