Just Because

by Jcsmooth

Published August 13, 2013

E - Everyone

In Poems

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Neglect,

reject.

Let's take a moment to reflect

On what we had,

what never was.

Only because,

we were in love.

Time took it's toll,

my heart;

my soul

You own your piece.

My sadness will increase,

with every moment you are away.

Dismay

Why did it end up this way?

I threw in my all,

you threw in the towel.

On something so beautiful.

Hopefully this I can withstand,

time to move on.

So long,

my only love

You've left me broken,

Just because.

Comments & reviews · 8
LittleCaroleen wrote a review Review · Oct 4, 2013

I actually love this a lot. It's not really poetry, or I don't see that way anyways.

But don't take that to insult. It reminds me of a rap the way the rhythm and the rhyme is. If you want it to sound more like a poem then don't try to rhyme so hard. You can have rhythm without rhyme. Towards the end the rhymes seem forced and that kind of bothered me.

Anyways, great poem. Keep up the good work.

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Dreamy
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Dreamy wrote a review Review · Aug 22, 2013

Hi, straight to the point this is such a wonderful poem. I loved it to the core. There isn't even a single thing that I would say was lacking. That's the beautiful way of putting emotions in words. The thing that I liked the most was that this was a random one. My poems are always random. ;) It was vague and the vagueness I liked the most.
So I liked it a lot. Keep being random.
Happy writing!!! Keep up the good work!!!!
Cheer!!!!

SolitaryCanary wrote a review Review · Aug 13, 2013

I have to agree with HighTop. It's fluid, but maybe some more punctuation would help to slow down the flow of the poem. That's just an "at first glance" assumption, though. With poems like these I think that sometimes they should be rushed, as the emotions that caused them.

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ImHero
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ImHero wrote a review Review · Aug 13, 2013

Hero here,

I believe this poem lacks an image and description to be emotional or interesting, to me. Instead of showing the story as it goes through you just use vague generalizations that could apply to almost any contemporary relationship (or ex relationship). I think many people will read this and say it is good because there are no flaws (besides punctuation) but it doesn't jump off the page to anyone and be original.

Secondly, the rhyme scheme makes it seem forced.
"Neglect
Reject.
Let's take a moment, to reflect
On what we had
What never was."

On what we had that never was? That makes no sense. Not to mention your flow strives on being choppy. You just use words that have the same general purpose to the poem as a whole, and think its good because it has rhythm. trust me, I use to do the same thing but it doesn't work, poetry is more then this.

"What never was.
Only because
We were in love."

Again you just said "what never was because you are in love?"

Hope you understand,

-imHero

It was written in 5 minutes, as most of my poems are. It's vague, it's generalized, and I choose in many poems not to use alot of punctuation. It makes sense to me and it's what I wrote, I stand by it completely. I don't think it's my best work but it's certainly not terrible and hardly ever do I rhyme. I know alot about poetry, I know that poems are what you make of them.

ImHero replied · Aug 13, 2013

cool.

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Jcsmooth
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Jcsmooth commented Comment · Aug 13, 2013

Everyone don't forget to like my poems

I'd like more people to see them

Thank you all!

JC

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kelseyforgotss
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kelseyforgotss commented Comment · Aug 13, 2013

I love this. I love this so much.
There are some punctuation errors, but it is so flowing and perfect and..
I love it.
+Applause+

Thank you deary, it is just my own style to write like that. The punctuation mistakes are not over sights just the way I intended it too be. I will however write a FEW structured poems to prove the point that I am able to do so.

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Gardevite
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Gardevite wrote a review Review · Aug 13, 2013

Hi there :D Hightop here to review your poem :),

For starters, this piece is almost devoid of punctuation.I think you could benefit from using more full stops and commas, what they will help with is slowing the reader down, so they can absorb the emotion that is very evident in this poem.

Lines 9 and 10 seem choppy, you need a transition word, May I suggest "In" or "of".

Other than that, I think you did a good job, your emotions are clear, as is the subject and story.

I will just leave you with a small little thing to help with your future poems/stories. It's "Show, don't tell.". At the start of your poem you told us you felt neglected and rejected, try to show the reader with some imagery next time. Other than that good job :D

Signing off,
Hightop :D

I think slowing them down would be a great thing to do actually.

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Jcsmooth
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Jcsmooth commented Comment · Aug 13, 2013



In the past I would definitely say who you would find inside. Not so much today. Place is bonkers …. As is everywhere
— Greg Specter