I'm broken.
Closing this chapter of me and you,
has been like closing myself.
I'm no longer able to smile.
Laughing only makes me cry.
Every time I close my eyes another knife;
memories of your face, laugh, and smile.
My favorite memory,
my new worst enemy.
Why do you do this to me?
I only wanted to show you, i'm better than I ever was.
I guess where i stand, is still trash you to you.
Will you never be my own?
Forever burned.
Alone.
Leave me dying,
I can't live in the same world as you.
1,000 miles is still to close.
I'll just take my place in the clouds,
watch over you as much as I can.
Look away when the pains too much,
when he holds your hand.
Kisses you lips,
he's taking my place.
My disgrace.
I'll get cast down,
it's best to be damned.
Never will I ever to be able to see your face,
it kills me inside.
You were mine, you were good for me.
How did something so beautfiul turn ugly?
What did I do to deserve this torment,
i'd ask you to save me but I know you don't care.
Over time I've learned this pain.
Pain that's not new,
I must be insane to seek that which scars me everytime.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,138 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hey there! joallover here for a review on this wonderful Review Day for team Mazarine Marauders!
This is very personal and powerful. Exceptionally written too. Of course, though, it is a review so here comes the nitpicks.
"I guess where i stand, is still trash you to you. "
This is a good line, although I don't think you need the last 'to you.' It is obvious you are talking about her point of view, so it is just extra space filler when you add that last part.
"Every time I close my eyes another knife; "
This phrase irks me on a grammar level, but I can't seem to place EXACTLY what it is I don't like. I think it's just that I don't like the sudden 'another knife' set in there. I don't know.
Lastly, I noticed some 'I's weren't capitalized. Yeah, I like capitals, lower cases are a pet peeve in final copies. Fix that, please?
Some things I love are lines such as
"How did something so beautfiul turn ugly?"
This sets up for an amazing conclusion, as a final, general question that everyone wants to hear.
Also, your conclusion was just strong and extremely well written. Good job, I loved it. *Pats back*
I guess that's all for now. I love this piece, you have talent! Keep calm and write on!
Peace Love and Fahrvergnugen!
-joallover
Hey all be sure to like the poem in the top right corner if you please! ^_^
Nice poem. I myself could not get into the flow, rhythm. But I am not a poetry person so don't take that to heart too much.
Loved the last line.... a lot. It just speaks so true, people are always going after what's bad for them. It's a disease of the human mind. You just said it in such a beautiful, lyrical way.
Hey I appreciate you taking the time to drop me kind words.
I felt so much pain in this piece of poetry.
My favourite lines were:
"Every time I close my eyes another knife;
memories of your face, laugh, and smile."
I felt it. So sad. I've never read a poem so captivating of a pain as strong as love. It hurts and it stays for a little while.
This poem is strong, powerful and realistic. You're telling a story of something that happens every day. The pain that people face sometimes all their life and you've captured it perfectly. This is definitely a poem I'll read again and again.
Then my goal is complete, if I reach atleast 1 person per poem I am happy.
Aww x well I loved it x