Everything about you is fake, you're nothing but an act.
I feel the fool, being played so well for my heart.
Added to your collection, deep inside that icy prism you call a soul
A shame I couldn't see through something as transparent as a sheet.
Every thought that left your sweet lips, was just another word I wanted to hear.
My biggest fear has come true, when I said those three words to you.
I looked into your eyes, all i saw were lies.
As you held my heart in your hands, you stared at me like a stranger.
I put my heart in danger but it was to late.
I watched as you dropped everything about you I ever loved.
Smashed, a million pieces lie on the floor; evermore will be my silence to you.
Now your dead to me, another victim I can never forgive for breaking my heart.
I'm a murderer baby, but I gave you a choice.
You held my hopes, dreams, and thoughts in the palm of your hands.
Warmly kissing my lips, as you stabbed me in the back.
You're just another scar that won't heal completely.
I was just another fool, another fool that'd fallen for you.
Entangled by the mess i'd made of you, strangled by the many thoughts of you.
Any thought I ever had of us was just another lie.
Don't stop me as I ramble on, I need to heal and you need to disappear.
You're my demise, something so beautiful I now despise.
Despite my better judgement I trusted you.
You're not someone I can forget, you're someone I regret.
Evermore will my silence be to you......evermore
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,768 Reviews
Hey there Jc.
When I first read this I instantly read it as if it were lyrics to a rap song. Maybe you should work on that? Haha. Anyway, here we go.
The words and usage are great, as well as the emotion and depth. I think it's great and something many would enjoy. To be truthful there are still minor errors such as to and too. To me it seemed as if some of the variant lengths in the lines made it a bit more difficult to get a good flow. You have to think of the audible length in words as well as actual. But, again, I did read it as if it were a song. I enjoy your work, keep writing.
The poem was great, grammar was ok. I was slightly confused with the variation. Also some lines seemed very deep and passionate, but I didn't quite get all of it. The poem had brilliant ideas, but it seemed to be lacking a piece that brings in all together. I definitely felt a lot of emotion, which is great. I just felt like it was missing a piece that made the poem one. It may just be me, but overall it was a great piece! Keep it up.
It felt lacking somehow, but it was still good. The feelings of hatred and sadness are displayed well. The rest of this is just so the review goes up. That is all I had to say about this.
You sent me the link, so here I am. Be prepared for brutal honesty.
This line felt a little short compared to the rest of the ones within the same stanza.
You know me, not entirely I have to admit, but you know me. And you know that I have personally related to this topic. You captured the very essence of what I felt, what I thought. Thank you for writing what I couldn't.
I liked how you kept the stanzas the same basic length, it gave the work a good rhythm/flow. The topic, well, I've already mentioned that.
And you and I both know that you don't really care about grammar, but when you did use it you used it well, and in the appropriate places.
I really can't express how much I liked this.
Good job, my friend.
Thankee! I knew you'd review well and correct things I missed. I overlooked the line thing completely. I hadn't even realized it was the only short one.
Hey jcsmooth!
I'm Hanorah and I'll be reviewing your poem today.
I loved this poem <3 it was devastating, realistic and utter brilliant, love it, love, love it!
Some of the wording was a bit off...but it was great apart from that.
'Warmly kissing my lips, you stabbed in in the back'. That line was perfection, pure genius!!
Anyway, nice poem, I would give it five stars
~keep writing
I appreciate it!
Sad. Breathtaking. Realistic. And absolutely beautiful. The repeating of the word 'evermore' at the end reminded me a bit too much of The Raven, but other than that it was marvelous. The image drawn from "Warmly kissing my lips, as you stabbed me in the back.' was very vivid. And a little creepy, but good.
Just two issues that I think might have been typos:
'Added to your collection, deep inside that icy prism you call a soul' Prism might have been meant to be prison. It works either way, but struck me as a little weird.
'A shame I couldn't see through something as transparent as a sheet.' I'm just going to assume you meant a sheet of glass or something. Because sheets aren't very transparent.
Overall, wonderful work. Magnifico!
Thank you, it was kind of pressed things happened today I did not forsee....had a rush of emotions.