Her memory absorbs all the space in my brain, like a sponge.
All my fantasies and daydreams about her, are worth remembering forever.
Even if they last for but a moment.
Who else would I be thinking of anyway.
The many conversations that we would have, that mean nothing but everything all the same.
Our own secret place we would make, only known to us.
Nestled in the lush green forests,that fail to captivate me like her eyes do.
An endless valley of grass.
Peace...
Is all I feel when I look at her.
It would take but a second, to end my rage.
She can weather my storms.
I will protect her from this cold world.
Like a rock...
Wouldn't it be perfect?
You and me, us against the world.
With the odds in our favor
I could sit all day, to think of all the possibilities.
If my fantasy sounds this good, why aren't you in my life?
A question for the century.
A question that only one can answer.
You're my only one.
Lets just fade away, leave it all.
Start anew.
Peace........
She brings me inspiration in her being, serenity from her looks.
One-thousand smiles unforced.
Of-course.
:)
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140,843 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Love the poem and the title it is very dramatic with a few known clips. But I'm confused, do you not have her or are you in denial? Otherwise is she gone?
You say she brings you inspiration and twice you want to start anew, so does that mean that something went wrong and you've fallen apart or did the dream end sour? If I'm wrong I'd llike to know, oh and the poem also sounds mysterious.
He doesn't have her, he wants to start anew with her
Good one.
The dialogues and conversations bring out the helplessness and longing very well. It's soulful. I especially liked the lines
Peace........
She brings me inspiration in her being, serenity from her looks.
One-thousand smiles unforced.
Of-course.
The first-person narrative also aptly provides the effect you intend to.
Would love to read more of your works.
I hope this helps.
Thanks
Thank you! I have about 6 or so out
This is so great, my favourite part out of this would have to be:
The many conversations that we would have, that mean nothing but everything all the same.
Our own secret place we would make, only known to us.
It makes me think of a good friend of mine whos currently in hospital, in a bad state. I love remembering the things we used to do, the conversations, the place that only we knew about in the woods behind my house.
You are an amazing writer, I wish I could see in your mind and then know how to write that well! I guess it's emotion that you'd put into it, thats why I don't post my poetry though, its all sad.
Anyway, keep up the writing, sorry my review wasn't that good :/
P.S. Thanks for being a good friend
This is a rare site indeed, a poem of mine that is not sad.
This could be a song I think. Its so bittersweet
I get it. I love this point of view, a guy's point of view on this subject. You write with such soul. I can see so much honesty all over this poem. I loved this part
Love it xxxx, Claire
I could sit all day, to think of all the possibilities.
If my fantasy sounds this good, why aren't you in my life?
A question for the century.
A question that only one can answer.
You're my only one.
Lets just fade away, leave it all.
Start anew.
Keep posting
Hey, Willow C. here to fight of the sailor moon gremlins....
Wait thats the wrong introduction.
Whoops... I apologize in advance for my personality.
Anywho. I shall start at the title like always. It's THE most important of a poem, aside from not hitting the m key instead of the space bar. The title needs to be brief, relevant, and spontaneous. Relevance is a check, but brief... Not so much. Remember that the title is all we see on this site. Its what catches the eye. Long titles only work when you are advertizing on a comedy show and are trying to be ironic. You need to focus less on getting the point across and more on triggering the sensors in the brain that yell "Weeeeeee! Happy fun time chimes. Rinnnnnnng, rrrrrrrrring, riiiiiiiiing, ringgggggggggg!" Always remember that the majority of the literate members of today's society watch cat videos in their spare time, not operas or documentaries.
Second language. Be relatable. A teenage kid is not going to enjoy reading something holeheartedly serious or King Aurthery. The words you use must be relatable, this includes sentence structure. The way I remember this is that I have a very bad public speaking tongue I tend to format the sentences how I normally speak and this makes the meaning easier to understand. In the days of texting the brain can process a lot of acronyms for common phrases, but give them one sentence that is phrased in a way that reminds them of Shakespeare and suddenly the head narrator becomes an old man with a stressed voice. Trust me a little tweak in the words and the meaning becomes so much easier. Plus the way that third to last sentence is written, it makes it feel a little over dramatic and suddenly I didn,t care.
Excuse my funny head, praise the llama overlord, and write on.
-Willow C.
I love the end to this poem. "One thousand smiles unforced. Of course." It's cute but meaningful. A few things i would like to point out though are that in the first stanza when you write "Our own secret place, we would make, only know to us." I'm sure you might have just left out the n in known, but i would suggest reviewing a little close before posting. Also I'm not sure you need so many periods after peace and rock. If you want to use them i would suggest sticking to three only. Over all this is heart felt and gets the point across in a romantic but somewhat melancholy way.
- Laci <3