Just an idea I had in class. Lol. Enjoy!
Bunnies are evil
Screams surrounded me as the army of bunnies charged toward us. Their razor sharp teeth flashed as they opened their mouths to bite chunks out of us. They're fluffy cotton ball tails turned into spikes that they used to impale us.
They just kept coming, brown and white and gray. Soon they all became blood red. These were called the Ravaged Bunnies. We saw thousands of them kill our comrades, so I swore that I would slaughter every last demon bunny. So, I tried to uphold my sworn duty.
I cut down bunny after bunny until there was enough blood to drown new York city. But they just kept coming, thousands after thousands of blood red bunnies.
I fought my hardest, but it was no use. Bullets bounced harmlessly off of they're fur, and only swords could kill them. The only problem with that was that you had to get close to them, and they usually stayed in groups of seven or eight. So basically, close range was suicidal, but there was no other option.
This was how the Rabbit Wars began...
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,005 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Sooo....well as far as short stories go, this one is clearly intended to purely be for laughs here without any sort of actual plot, although I think you do manage to slip a decent amount of plot into it anyway. Its not exactly the sort of thing that everyone can laugh at cause despite the humor of the situation that you've managed to establish here, it is actually some pretty dark imagery that's being brought to light once you look a little deeper and see images like blood drowning an entire city soo..this is a bit of an acquired taste as far as the humor is concerned.
The main thing that works is of course imagining that we've got this creature that's usually considered friendly and cute being twisted into this demonic creature out to kill them all. There's really no proper setting whatsoever to imagine the situation, and I think maybe you could work on that somewhat just to ground this craziness in a solid anchor of sorts cause otherwise it does get a little too difficult to imagine what is happening here.
Overall, this makes for a fun read here, although I think there is a bit of room for improvement here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
i thought it was really violent with a very funny twist to it! Just the way i like it!
I think you did a great job turning every little girl's favorite animal(other than a pony) into an evil creature of DOOM!!
I thought it was kind of short, but I still loved it. It made me laugh, so Great Job!!
keep writing!
I don't get that. Why did they become blood red? You should have just made them blood red in the first place. But otherwise, great story..... AND KEEP WRITING!!!!!!
A very funny and creative story.
So, everybody else already commented on your mistakes, but even with the errors it was a great story. Someone mentioned Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and I definitely agree! That was the first thing that came to mind. This story really made me laugh. Good job. And I agree that if you make a continuation, I would read it.
Oh lord! this has permenently changed my views on bunnies. Haahaa dont know how I am gonna sleep at my cousins house when I know that those bunnies outside verywell might want to kill me haha.
Very... entertaining!
-jedi
Hi,
Oh, by the way, my previous review was my way of saying you did a fantastic job! :] Few mistakes, but that's okay! Good job!
Farewell,
A.
Hi,
Oh my. So, my war got to you? Mission successful. You are welcome. :]
Farewell,
A.
(I'm new, so this is my first review. Bare with me!)
I saw the title, and immediately had to read. First of all, I lead the assault...
Just kidding, I was part of the organization that was against this war.
Anyway c:
I really loved this, and it has very few flaws. The repetition is good in some ways, by showing how many rabbits there are and how they just keep coming, but you may have overused it just a little.
I loved your vocabulary, you could have just said but instead you put impale, which made me smile. I would have had to read my story ten times over before adding that word in.
You lost me for a split second, why did they randomly turn red and what did Ravaged Bunnies do? How did they differ? I guess I could infer what it meant, but you should describe that a little more.
Finally, really told me a lot about the rabbits! I thought they were just fluffy bunnies, like myself, and I was wondering 'why doesn't somebody pull out a gun?' But now I see why!
If you were aiming to make people chuckle, you succeeded with me. Even if I am a bunny myself, I found this highly amusing and completely random.
I love it!!! It is so creative. There werr a few grammar mistakes as the people above me pointed out, but I enjoyed it! Bunnies turn EVIL! I hope to see more random stories from you!
Your new friend/follower,
Name
DEATH TO ALL BUNNNIES!!!!!!!!!! I loved it it was really creative and funny!
MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL!!!!!!!
This was the first thing I thought of. (And if you haven't seen the movie, see it. You'll understand.)
Haha! Yeah, I think rabbits are evil, too, they just seem like serial killers, don't they? They're the last things you'd expect in a murder.
I find the logistics a bit off, though. Something that is small and traveling at high velocity will not penetrate the bunny fur, but a slow-moving long knife will? Explain. The swords would have to be extremely sharp, and stay that way the entire time. I think maybe a hammer would be better, if that would work.
So you have some grammatical mistakes and stuff, but I think the real issue you've got is this has no plot yet, which I think would be good, since bunnies really are evil. The word must be spread.
Pretty funny. I had a thing against squirrels back in high school. Overall, short and interesting. I understand that this piece was just for fun so I will just point out one thing. In two places where you wanted to write "their" you wrote "they're" also there is no need to write "off of" just "off" is sufficient. These two sentences, "The only problem with that was that you had to get close to them, and they usually stayed in groups of seven or eight. So basically, close range was suicidal, but there was no other option." felt out of style with the rest of the story. Other than that it was definitely fun. Would be interesting to read a continuation if you ever decide on it.
No wonder my dog barks at them...
Neat-o little story. (No one says neat-o anymore, do they?) I liked it. I just saw a few grammatical errors I thought I'd correct.
This was a smigen repetitive. (No one says smigen either, right? Sigh.) I swore to uphold my sworn duty. I get why you used it, but it was just that smigenness (Okay, now that's not even a word.
New is part of York's title, so it should be capitilized. So should City.
Bullets bounced harmlessly off of they are fur? Common mistake, just change it to their and I'll be satisfied.
Ohh, scary music!
Like I said, I liked this, and I'm sorry if I seemed nit-picky on a story that's a lot of fun. My mom's an English teacher. Blame her.
Keep writing!
No wonder my dog barks at them...
Neat-o little story. (No one says neat-o anymore, do they?) I liked it. I just saw a few grammatical errors I thought I'd correct.
This was a smigen repetitive. (No one says smigen either, right? Sigh.) I swore to uphold my sworn duty. I get why you used it, but it was just that smigenness (Okay, now that's not even a word.
New is part of York's title, so it should be capitilized. So should City.
Bullets bounced harmlessly off of they are fur? Common mistake, just change it to their and I'll be satisfied.
Ohh, scary music!
Like I said, I liked this, and I'm sorry if I seemed nit-picky on a story that's a lot of fun. My mom's an English teacher. Blame her.
Keep writing!
Well, I was talking with my girlfriend, and she saw a bunny out the window and said how adorable they are, and I said they're evil because they help crazy people with mustaches. Lol
Well, I was talking with my girlfriend, and she saw a bunny out the window and said how adorable they are, and I said they're evil because they help crazy people with mustaches. Lol
that's pretty funny. Whered you get the idea for it from?