I rise before dawn,
hide the bags under my eyes,
tie my shoelaces and enter the world.
I blink as my eyes adjust,
the sun is bright and promising;
I am awake.
I am the wanderer searching for purpose
in the midst of the shifting crowd.
I am not just a face
or a book with blank pages
gathering dust on a shelf,
I am saved.
The beauty of the world consumes me,
trying to swallow me whole like a whale,
but chokes and I remember that
I am free.
The girl I shared secrets with is gone,
She disappeared among the crowd
of aimless, searching faces.
Her name is almost lost,
blurred into the margins;
but I can still read it: Amanda.
Amanda is at the heart of the earth,
she is screaming and declaring
the sound of echos.
I grasp her hand,
clutching desperately to memories
and long lost moments.
Together, we awaken.
Our birthdays come and go,
first one then the other’s.
We mature as the years
slip through our fingers
like fraying silk.
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137,476 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
Hi Jadefox,Dark with review here.
I like this poem for sure.It gives impact on me.Making me wondering from the first part of your poem here.
I wonder is it another world he been through?But I like the descriptions you give.It is a beautiful evening scenery in my eyes.
Then this part confused me a lots!What are you trying to convey here.Too much metaphor is not so nice to read,it can lead the reader confuse instead of knowing the real meaning is.
This part reminds me of the 'elves'!Anyway,it is well-written and imaginative .The rhythm is good,just need some improvement. Keep it up!
kudos,cheers
dark
Dragon here to comment on this Work,
okay
first off
I really liked the poem story, and how you wrote it. It really interested me and got me feeling for the character, if that makes any sense. All punctuation looks pretty good, but the part with Amanda kind of threw me off. Who is she? Is she a real person, or just the name of something in the character's life? Besides that though, it was pretty good.
Keep it up!
Thanks so much Dragon!
Knight Malachi here to review real quick, for the KotGR.
So, I really liked the poem story, and how you wrote it. It really interested me and got me feeling for the character, if that makes any sense. All punctuation looks pretty good, but the part with Amanda kind of threw me off. Who is she? Is she a real person, or just the name of something in the character's life? Besides that though, it was pretty good.
Keep it up!
This poem really pulls you in right away. I love the style that it's in.
Your word choice is excellent.
Your grammar is good.
The end is a little confusing with the introduction to "Amanda". I don't really know what's happening because it isn't very clear.
My favorite line is "I am not just a face/or a book with blank pages/gathering dust on a shelf." It's very powerful and it stands out strongly. The ending is weak and could use some improvement, like I said. All in all you've got a pretty good poem.