Sleepless Thoughts

Hi there InfinityandBeyond. Nite here as requested for the Green Lanterns!

Overall, I think this is a lovely poem. I especially liked the line "so we do not have to face our fears in complete sentences". It's a bit sparse in imagery, but I rather like it that way.

My main critique is with the punctuation. There's an awful lot of commas that don't make grammatical sense. Now obviously, there are no set rules for punctuating in poetry, but I think that punctuation like prose usually works best because the reader understands it naturally and so it doesn't distract from the words. Sometimes, it works when you break the rules, like the ending fragment here. Other times, it sticks out.

Overall, this is lovely, but I think it could use fewer commas to make it flow better. Good job and keep writing!

Well I am here with a review for you mister Beyond.

Well I have to say this was really good except for you said "them" who are them, they?

I really like the ring of this poem it has a good sound to it just sounds great, sorry for my incomprahinsability.

I would trad some of your periods for commas if I where you. Overall this is a top nocher, I absolutely loved it.

Keep writing and never ever stop.

God be with you my friend.

~Jonathan~

Hi there,InfinityAndBeyond have a good day!So here I'm to make my review on your wonderful poem.

Overall,your poem has it own idea,that is-unique plus with imaginary then here it come,a very simple,understandable poem!I love the theme you bring in there and also the way you describe how is night going through when we sleep and dreaming.

"capturing those thoughts and turning them into beautiful,

terrifying dreams."

The rythm just flow slowly but there is some words that I think could work better if you try to find another word that more lyrical/poetic:
e.g:
"Maybe sleep is 'designed' to protect us"
#Anyway ,it such a great untitled poem to read and digest inside of my brain,Lol.Keep writing and I wish to see more masterpieces from you in YWS.Good job!

*Maybe the title would be -"sleepless thoughts"-as 'I' write the poem about his/her thought about night and dreams but still can't sleep.Cheer!

I like this. I really loved the first stanza. It was beautiful and it captured my attention. I have no comments on that one.

The second stanza however, it didn't make as much sense. The first and second sentences were opposites, which is not necessarily wrong, but I feel like this poem could have a lot more power and emotional draw to it if you chose one of those subjects and stuck to it for the whole stanza. I loved the idea that dreams are perhaps meant to be forgotten. Maybe you could continue that thought.

The last sentence seemed to rush it too much, also. You should lengthen your poem. I think that your last sentence, "But I am sleepless" could be powerful, but it does not fit at the end of the second stanza. Maybe make one more stanza and draw everything together there.

Those are my personal thoughts on this. Poetry is not my strongest suit, but I try to help writers with the way that it flows. One thing that helps me sometimes is reading it outloud when I am finished. That way you can hear how the words sound and how they flow together.

Anyway, I still really liked it! Keep writing and keep improving!

--Xreigon

Hey!

This is a good poem! I really enjoyed you, the way you captured the feeling of night time and sleeplessness and all the thoughts that come with it is amazing.

You have a really raw way of describing the events that come with darkness and nighttime.

You have a good sense of rhyme and cadence, so props to you.

Normally I would say what my favourite line or stanza is, but I honestly can't decide, the whole poem is beautiful and truly well written, with such thought and care.

I feel as if I should criticise something and say what could be improved, simply because that is what a review does, but, I can't. It would be an injustice to well written poetry.

It is honestly are really nice, sweet and beautiful poem. So fantastic job!

Keep writing because you are great at it.

Nargles xxx