From the moment I was born,
People were telling me no,
That it's not where you've been,
But where you couldn't go.
Always expecting failure,
And when you succeed it's a surprise,
Pull back the curtains,
And see the light,
Used to be blind,
Somehow opened my eyes,
But there are no shining stars,
And all I see are gray skies.
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140,692 Literary Works • 673,622 Reviews
Wow! What an inspirational poem. Your description of "nonsense" makes it very interesting to check out, making me check it out. So when I read it, I opened a door to a new literary genius (guess who)
Kudos to your great poem! Keep writing these weird poems filled with the beauty of life for me!
This is very straightforward; but sometimes, it's good to have a straightforward poem fluttering around. All of these complicated ones get all samey and boring xD! This one speaks straight out at the reader, and I'm sure that many people will relate to the message being spoken and that's a good quality - in all its simpleness, it's perfect :')
I'm going to moralize with you Ignatius, because that appears to be how you think poems ought to be constructed and flow; he who cries wolf but cannot provide sheep skin is first to be devoured.
I see very little attention in your poem to anything interesting. What are you writing about? Who are you writing for? Who was telling you what? Why are you so general in a grocery list of phrases and statements? There's almost nothing I can grasp here and visualize, but rather you're guiding me along and telling me about YOU.
Have you ever been on a date where the other person was spectacular at talking about them self and had no idea how to ask you anything? Hell, they most likely didn't have a thought on you, the entire exchange in their mind was "ME,ME,ME". Relationships won't work that way, even friendships. No one likes an attention seeker, but people will stand someone that naturally get a lot of attention, and the difference is crucial. It's how you present yourself and how you communicate with people.
I notice two things done fairly well here: rhythm and rhyme, but neither is done consistently enough or well enough for me to care. Also, the transitions you use between stanzas are about the most unaware neighbors of each other as I've ever seen. Rethink what you're trying in poetry, because right now you've got a set idea of how it should be and it's limiting your growth exponentially.
Very interesting poem.
I love the emotion in it and the flow is also pretty good.
The one thing you need to add is less commas and more periods. Just because it's a poem doesn't mean there's a comma at the end of every line
Other than that the only thing was that it seemed like it could go on longer. Oh, well. I guess your idea just sorta ended, huh?
Great job
Keep writing,
Alzora
Well done! Like the first verse, like the third, the second one, however, doesn't really rhyme.
.How about 'And see the sunrise' instead. That way the poem flows a little better.
Anyway, favorite line; And when you succeed it's a surprise. My life in a nutshell.
Keep it up. ~ Dragongirl
Wow! this was VERY inspirational, like gleek456 said, this gave me insight of how i have viewed some things. This part is exceptionally true
Because lots of us expect failure from ourselves until we see what we can be made out of. I really enjoyed that part as well. However, im not really sure what you mean where you say So if you could maybe explain this to me that would be VERY helpful .. But otherwise GREAT JOB!! Keep writingI enjoyed this poem a lot! It gave me a thought about how I was looking at things and if they're right thoughts or not. Keep writing more of your poeticly spoken "Tall Tales" and never stop
I enjoyed this poem a lot! It gave me a thought about how I was looking at things and if they're right thoughts or not. Keep writing more of your poeticly spoken "Tall Tales" and never stop