I see numbers, hear voices, and picture things I've seen seven years ago, all in complete vivid detail, like I'd just seen them. I call it my cheat sheet or my muse or my photographic memory; and it always seems to hit right before I go to sleep. I end up jotting down what my muse tells me, I've gotta get it out of my head or I'll forget it by morning. So here's my latest brain child.
I close my eyes and wait for sleep,
but it dances beyond my grasp.
Any dream will do.
My mind, it wanders to unknown realms.
Where imagination hides away.
Any dream will do.
In sleep it sings to me from far beyond;
and yet it sounds so close at hand.
Any dream will do.
The night will fade, and day will come.
The light, it holds no love for me;
but tonight, any dream will do.
Any dream will do.
Please tear it apart and correct it in any way you feel is needed, just be gentle. My muse hates mean people.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,001 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
The last thing you wrote about your muse...funny.
I think the seventh line should be corrected thus;
" Where Imagination hides away". That's all. Keep writing.
Hey!
Nice Poem but grammar dude!
Lost it at many places :S
Corrections:
#1:
Everything's correct! Great Start! xD
#2:
#3:
Comma missing...
#4:
The repeating is so annoying! >.<
You haven't repeated 'Any dream will do' in other stanza's so I prefer you change it. =)
That's all.
It's a good theme. I'm pretty impressed ^^
Love it.
Would give this a 8/10.
Wall post me when you have submitted new poems! I shall review it with interest! <3
Cheers and Love,
Cookie or LM
Hi
I like the want for a dream concept,
The repetition of any dream will do, I think this hinders the poem rather than aids it, maybe just at the end in a stanza by itself to make it poignant? I think so personally
The other thing is I think more imagery is needed to make it work. You mention colours and things in your intro then why not fully intergrate it in? Things like rays of silver cacade in, waiting for dreams to occur. Or, blots of blue and grey; dreams are coming. I may have missed a point with this but I thick itll help
Overall I liked it but I think it needs a little work
Pm for anything
~ReDro
Hi there!
Before I start the review, I would just like to say that this is a brilliant poem.*Presses the like button* You did a great job displaying your emotions and your imagery is great. I completely understood everything you were saying, and I totally agree with it. So, now that I've said that, here's some suggestions I have: (I hope they're not harsh)
Again, this poem is simply brilliant. I hope my review helped. Keep writing!
Hey there, Ignatius5453. I'm Scarlett and I'll be reviewing your poem tonight. ^^
Wow. This is brilliant. I can really relate to it. My dreams are anything but normal most of the time. It's slightly disturbing, waking up from having weird zombie-like things chasing you, I can tell you that. o.O Anyways, the flow was really good and my only nitpick is perhaps in this line; "but it dances beyond my grasp." I suggest changing 'grasp' to perhaps 'reach'. It seems to fit better to me. Other than that, I have no complaints. I really like this poem.
Overall. This is a brilliant and slightly more than a little disturbing poem. And I adore it. *clicks like* I hope this helped, even a little. And thank you very much for the wonderful and brilliantly disturbing poetry. Keep writing, and don’t ever give up!
~Scar.
Tear it apart and correct it?
What corrections. It's perfectly awesome in my opinion.I close my eyes and wait for sleep,
but it dances beyond my grasp.
Any dream will do.
Awesome, awesome, awesome, and awesome.
Hello,
Pretty happy to be your first reviewer
I really loved the concept of this very orginal and unique. There was one thing that struck as not fitting: repeating the last line of every stanza, then making the last stanza four lines long instead of three and repeating the same line twice basical at the end. I don't know if you should fix it or how you should fix it, but it's something I would take a look at. If you have any questions or another review feel free to ask.
Have a great day,
Tiffany