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140,191 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
xJ to the rescue!
I agree with the review below, you do need a pause in your poems to make it flow nicely. But other than that, the poem was beautiful. The only thing that I would have to say other than the pauses, is that on line 14, "A damaged thing", be more specific, thing just doesn't sound very good with the nice vibe of the poem. Because a thing could be anything. Other than that, I loved this poem as well as the title, it intrigued me to read this poem in the first place. Nice work, and try to improve with those pauses.
Nicole here! Lets do this!
So, I really liked your poem. The structure is neat, but I think there might need to be some commas and or periods in this. If there isn't some kind of pause, you just keep reading it and reading it and it just sort of flows to fast if you know what I mean?
I hope I didn't confuse you or anything, I don't normally review poems because I don't even write them. Over all I like this poem, even enough to give it a like.
Keep up the good work.
Hey.
And somehow, I feel, if this is about trying and failing, then it is a good description, but if it is about losing hope, then maybe it is not.
Was it a broken soul? Or a bird? Or a plane? xD Anyways, different people, different views, I liked it a lot
Honestly, don't make compositions too choppy, a mistake I used to make, elongate it, I'd like reading more of it
But good job on it.
Keep writing and stay blessed.
xoxo