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Canary word: Present
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,797 Reviews
Hello! This is a nice piece of poetry though I feel that it is quite short.I think you were at a lack of words to express your feelings.I would like you to try to extend it further.It is a very simple yet nice poem.
The poem is quite impressive but frankly, I think the end of the poem could have been better.Try to put in some more efforts into it.Try to use a bit more of rhyming words to make it a bit more musical.I really liked the lines:
"Before the pain,
The heartache,
Before you weren't You anymore."
It conveys quite a bit of meaning.
Keep it up and keep writing!
Haha
Thank you. I believe you're absolutely right. I'm definitely thinking about extending it and I was a little sloppy with the ending... but hey! I guess that's what happens when you write something quickly before you go to bed. Thanks again!
hey there,
before i review the poem i want to tell you that a nice time pass you chose. time really flies when you are with words. hope you get more serious about writing, this would not only help you write better but also it would get wonderful.
the poem is very nice and simple to understand. It is even easy to connect with. Good work!
Last line
“And I still knew You.”
It could have been altered or written as –
“And I knew You.”
Then I guess it would have been more connective with the rest of the poem.
Rest its all nice. Hope to see more of your work.
Till then –
Keep dreaming! Keep writing!
Thank you so much
I'm kind of debating whether or not to change the last line now. It seems a little more profound the way you suggested, but I don't know if it reads as well. Hmm... Anyway! Thanks again!