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140,191 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
Yowzah! I absolutely love this poem. It sounds of whimsical, like something from Alice in Wonderland almost.
For there it is,
where you decide,
what your fate
is to become.
This bit sounds just like a riddle. I love it! And the formatting you used is just perfect.
My only nitpick is is:
"Let me go,"
I scream.
The person is screaming, so I think you should use an exclamation mark instead of a full stop.
Great job and please keep writing!
Thank you so much ^-^ I'm glad you enjoyed it. And yes! I will use an exclamation point. There needs to be a distinct difference between the first "Let me go" and the next.
I'm sorry for such a late reply. I haven't been on in months.
<gez>
i love the transition here...
from asking to let others decide whether to let you go no matter how you asked.
to realizing that everything only depends on you.
it's like a story in a poem with a happy ending of course.
like a magic of your hand, the poem just magically inspired me... thanks
Aw, thank you so much ^-^ I'm happy to know that this simple poem had such a powerful impact. And I'm so sorry for the late reply! I haven't been on for a while... ehhh...
Wow! This is intense for such a short poem! I like to start my poetry views off with explanations. Firstly, I could feel the emotion in this as I read it. I believe it shows some trying to find them-self. Or lose themselves depending on how you look at it. I think it also shows how we decide how we ready or act to things. That's important for people to know so it's good you sort of showed them. I really do like this poem a lot! I hope you write more like it. Simple, but passionate. Fabulous work!!
Haha. Aw, shucks
On a slightly more serious note, I love your interpretation of the poem. This only took me a couple minutes to write, but so mush passed through my mind as I did so. It's nice to know that this gets people thinking. Sooo... thank you!
Wow! This is intense for such a short poem! I like to start my poetry views off with explanations. Firstly, I could feel the emotion in this as I read it. I believe it shows some trying to find them-self. Or lose themselves depending on how you look at it. I think it also shows how we decide how we ready or act to things. That's important for people to know so it's good you sort of showed them. I really do like this poem a lot! I hope you write more like it. Simple, but passionate. Fabulous work!!
Well, I think the point of longing is fine, but you could change it to something about dreams, or The Internal Struggle. After all the narrator is speaking to a voice inside his/her head. Or maybe You Decide because of the last verse.
Anyways this is a great poem/ conversation. I feel you could add on more to it, like describe the dream more. Unless the dream is just a voice in total darkness than it's fine the way it is. his is actually the best advice ever, the end of the poem I mean. Such a great way for a dream to end, your sub-conscience gets the last word and it is you who must do the act.
Hmm... thank you!